Year end holiday 2012 story Part 3

I'm back again, so this time i would concentrate on my baking skills. I'm not a pro but of course i hope that in the future i would be one. My one and only inspiration would be my aunt from my mother's side. She is a pro in baking, regardless of others comments. I love all the food that she bakes. I wanted to be like her but of course it takes time and also effort and also heaps of encouragement. So, this holiday i wanted to improve on my baking skills, all my equipment were mainly given by her as my Christmas presents, and also i started to buy some as my collection. During this holiday, i bake different types of cakes, made pizzas, cupcakes and also biscuits for the coming Christmas .. Below are some pictures i took, i even made my first icing in the history of life, and i won't forget the moment my cake tasted like sponge because all this while my cake was either too hard or too oily and so many other things.

( I also made buns, those are butter buns and hot dog buns..)

(This is my very first icing, royal icing, i only found out later, VERY late, that it's non-edible, my gosh, thinking i almost poisoned my own family, but luckily we're all strong and still alive, so i guess i'm not going to make this icing ever again, sorry!!)

Well, i guess that's the end of Part 3, but there are more pictures, so there's also be a Part 3 II.. Part 4 is coming soon, it's about December :) Look forward to it..

Year end Holiday 2012 - Part 2

This entry will be a part two of what i've done throughout November's holidays .. hehe..
I did what i loved most, knitting and crocheting!!!
Oh yeah, i decided that since i should treat myself to something new, i mean like, new year new items.. So, i crocheted a pencil box for myself, early Christmas gift, of many others which i will be giving myself, LOL

 (a rainbow crocheted pencil box in the making, hehe)

(this is a crocheted pouch, a small red one for coins and a bigger one for handphones maybe, or a cute bear.. heheheh)

I guess this is the end of Part 2, Part 3 will be about my baking experience.. :) do enjoy~~

Year end holiday 2012 story Part 1

Hi there. Since its already december i've decided i should recap what i've done since my holiday started in November. Alot of things happened and all of them were memorable, things i could never get back no matter how much i wanted it to, hence i will recollect all my good memories so that i will not forget any single moment.
Here goes, for the part of November, i was still a little lazy, so i like to get up late, but then i had to cook lunch for me and my sisters, it was fun but most of the time i nagged alot.. urgh... but i guess cooking was fun.
Then during the weekends i would go out with my mom and sisters. My dad usually goes back to his own kampong where he always goes to his garden with all the fruit trees and all that, i sometimes go there but i don't really like it because there are too many swamps and also leeches, ewww...
I think this is the holiday where i bought the most books and also read the most books. But i have to say my most favourite book will be Vampire Academy. :D
I really love it!!! The series consisted of 6 books but i only had five, it was my aunt's books, and i finished reading it by 7 days. The story was so addictive, currently, i'm reading the final book online, man, i really can't wait to finish reading it, i love romance and also adventure. :) Here's some pictures of what books that i've read during November... 

That's the end of Part 1 .. can't wait to write Part 2. :)

Home at last

Finally ...

Exams over!! finished wednesday, did packing and my flight was thursday. And now im with my beloved family. The holidays begin.. Went out with my mom and sisters today. It was fun. 

Tomorrow morning going to church and going to visit my grandpa. 

WOW... Can't believe all of this is over, finally. My second year of degree is over, and next year will be the third year. More challenges to come but i will overcome it because i know how to. 

Now, i want to forget anything related to studies and stress and just relax and have fun with my family. SO far, everything's doing great. Being at home has never been such a good thing. I love the comfort of home. Well, I guess that's it for today. I have so many things to catch up with, a good example, my reading!! I bought so many books during this book fair and now i really want to finish reading it .. Bye and God bless..

Alone, for a reason

Like any other days ...

(Sometimes i really feel like this, we can't deny it. But now i know that God is always watching over me. Amen!! no copyright intended, just sharing)

Had my exam today, the last paper is on Wednesday and later its home im going!! Everyday is a challenge, it has a challenge of its own. I, am still trying to control my temper, its unpredictable but as long as i could keep it cool i will. So many things have been going on in my mind lately. I keep getting hints that my mr. right is coming any time now. Of course, when things like that happen, we will be out of our mind thinking about when, where, how and why and so on. But the more i think about it the more crazy i feel. Because till now nothing happened. Once in a while i will get this feeling of loneliness and slowly fall into depression. But ever since i did my devotional daily and reading verses that could help me cope with this 'sickness', i began to feel better, and trust me i had done a lot during my past time. I cooked, knitted, read books and even went out solo. It felt great and challenging. Most people won't agree with me going out alone but i feel a need for it, i feel so free to do and go wherever i want to. But i guess the greatest thing is to know that the Lord will never abandon us. I read from a site stating that if we feel lonely and depressed this is because there is something wrong with our relationship with God. Hence, if you are so desperate to be in a relationship just to get away from this feeling, the site suggest you take another deep long look with your relationship with the Lord. I did and i felt better, i think it's because i always take things for granted. Now, my free time instead of spending it by thinking negative thoughts i will exchange it with useful activities and also thinking about the Lord's goodness. There is a reason we are still single. I've always dreamt of serving the Lord but i don't know how, but i guess now i know, i need to be obedient and this time, REALLY trust HIM. Many times i have swayed away. Seriously, i did a lot of nonsense things just to spend the boring weekends away. 

Tips: Search the web for a list of things you should do when you're free, trust me i've tried many of them and its a great way to get all those negative thoughts away from you. 

For now, i feel much comforted than i had in weeks because i know i'm blessed and that the Lord has a purpose in doing everything. Like what He said in Jeremiah 11:29. :) Have faith in Him and be amazed as He works wonders in your life today!!!

Love despite pain

Grey day to begin with...

I guess i slept the wrong thing off last night. It hasn't been quite a good day to begin with but i was grateful for all that has been given to me. My exam went quite well i might say, but keeping my finger crossed of course. Well, i had an argument with someone, on a social network. That's how people fight nowadays i guess, we dont have to face each other to fight, that's cowardly to me. But i am not a brave person either. Anyway, i was in this great deal of pain, then i remembered something that i read during my devotional time. It mentioned that,
"Sometimes Christians waste their time fighting a battle that has already been won. It's a way of the devil to make you lose track of what is really important."

Then something dawn on me. That's seems the only thing logic to me. Then i called my mom, a.k.a my loyal counsellor, heheh.. then we talked for a long time, and like it's a message from the Lord, my mom also repeated the same words that i was thinking about, i mean how could she know i was thinking about the same thing right? well, then today i woke up feeling heavy hearted. But the Lord is good, though i don't understand His plan.

He told me "my love is a gift to the world". 

I was shocked because just last night i thought i couldn't love anymore, well,  because of that argument. But here's the thing i want to share, before this i would also add oil to the fire, and the argument would become so intense. But last night, i don't know what gotten into me. I honestly and sincerely have no feeling of anger. I tried to feel it but i can't. Because there was none in me. I never blamed anyone because all was my doing. My friend badmouthed me and insulted me with such hurtful words. So naturally i would hate her immediately. But i don't. I just feel sad and disappointed in my friend. I don't know what cause that friend to be so sensitive. My guess was i said something, and that person thinking that my message was meant for somebody. I only expressed my gratefulness, and i said I forgive but i won't forget. But that friend said, "Did i ever ask for forgiveness from you?" Well, i still forgive. I pray for that friend.

Now i am still thinking. Did i really not feel any anger at all? I guess i did get angry, but after thinking i feel this is getting us nowhere. I stopped but that person continued. I will say both are to be blame. 

But the reason i wrote this entry is not because of me.
It's for everyone out there who is facing this problem, so who thinks that they have no hope to love anymore. Today i want to spread my love to everyone who is hurt. I will pray for all of you who are hurt and in pain. I've been through all those and still will in the future but know this:

"The LORD is near to all who call upon HIM. " -Psalms 145:18

Here are some bible verses that will tell you how much Our Lord loves you and me, too.. :) [do leave comments so i know you have read it, i would really appreciate that]

Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God’s Love Shown Through Jesus Christ

John 3:16  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God Loves and Cares For Us

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

1 John 4:7-8  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 Peter 5:6-7  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

(All these are from http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-inspirational-bible-verses-about-gods-love/, there are more verses i think you would LOVE to have a look at)

God bless and I'll be back next time .. :)

KL solo trip part 3 My stay there

Hi again, hope this time's entry can allow me to post more pictures. Even though everything is over i really miss the moment i was in KL, there were actually alot of places i still want to visit. Below are some pictures of places i've visited during my short stay there. Really hope to visit there again sometimes..:)

 (Inside Petronas Twin tower, pretty view)

 (Went to Petrosains, quite interesting but not my type)

 (Love it here, peace and quiet, sipping iced lemon tea, observing people, and writing my journal)

 (At Pavilion, first time in Dome, expensive food, wouldnt suggest if u r still a student, like me, i was so broke afterwards)

 (The Pavilion sign, beautiful mall, but no different than what we have in Kuching too)

(My late lunch, expensive but very nice and a lot of food too!! Fish and chips RM28, iced lemon tea RM11, phew, i felt so rich at that time,but suffering the consequences now hahah)

The only thing i didn't dare to do is to explore, one thing is due to time constraint and the other is afraid of getting lost and not being able to get out really scared the hell out of me. But in the end i still did some walking around but made sure i know where my exit  was. Then everything was fine. But i find the people there was quite funny. I went to Petrosains alone, then i bought my ticket, "How many person please?" then i replied  "One, " "One???" troll face.. Hahah, i guess it's because im a female, and its really rare for girls to go out alone. Well, i beat that stereotype and i really hope to have another chance to go out again like this sometimes. My future plan is going to Legoland, well hope that goes well. As for concerts, i have so many plans.but i will keep it in my heart because the Lord says, we can plan all we want, but God makes the decision for us. and i owe my whole life to Him because of this trip. He really kept me safe and sound. :)

I have an exam at 2:30pm later so i guess i better get going now. All the best to those who is also having exams and may God bless us always. . 

KL solo trip part 2 BIG BANG ALIVE TOUR 2012

BIG BANG IN MALAYSIA!!!

I am crazy huh?? flying to somewhere i've never been to before, and alone too. But it was really worth the experience because one thing for sure i will be doing the same thing in the future. 

I arrived at the stadium early, but not early enough i guess, because the people there were like!!!! wow... 

My guess was they have been camping there. My place is quite near but yet far, all because i came a little late, it was sad because i paid so much, but at least i get to see their faces. :) 

I love them all soooooooooooooo much!! I like T.O.P the most but at the concert, all of them looked so handsome and their personality really attracted me.. so cute and i really had the best fun i could have for the whole year!!!! There are alot of pictures i took but its so long to upload it. And i have exam tomorrow so maybe another time. God bless and goodnight!! :)

KL solo trip part 1 getting there

Getting there ...

Hahaha, finally its done. My misson. Before this it was a secret but now since its over i want to share my experience. Yup, I went to Kuala Lumpur on the 27th - 28th October 2012. Alone. Wow, big word huh?? But its true. So, on the morning of 27th, i went to the airport with my friend's help. I was so hungry and decided to eat breakfast, but suddenly i realised that i was late and my flight was ready for boarding. Luckily i didn't have any luggage so i quickly checked in. Once in the plane, i had to order food, because i was near gastric. After eating i felt so much better. But the great thing about this trip is this. Before the plane took off, i decided to read a verse to calm myself. I opened my devotional book, i started to look up something meaningful, then i saw "God's presense". So i just turned the page, what i saw still shocked me till today and maybe for the rest of my life. The title was "Flying solo". Exactly what i was doing. Solo, so I felt so comforted because the reading said that our Lord is with us so whom shall we fear and we certainly shouldn't fear being alone because we aren't. I was so happy and during the whole  plan trip, about 2 hours plus, i prayed that my whole trip was going to be fine. I slept for a while and when i arrived there i was starting to get butterflies in my stomach because i really didn't know where to begin. All i know was to call the taxi company and pray for some negotiation skills. Luckily, none of that was needed. The Lord really led people in the right timing. The taxi driver that was to send me to my hotel was the one who will be sending me to the stadium, Oh, i forgot to tell my purpose of coming to KL, it was to attend Big Bang's concert. :)

(While in the plane, eating and drinking to my heart's content)

(Like a 'sakai' because it's the first time i've ever landed feet on KL) 

(Some of the signboards i took along the way)

Well then, continue with my story, when i arrived at my hotel, everything settled smoothly and i decided to visit Petronas Twin tower. really i was amazed to see everything, the street was so busy and honestly, i prefer Sarawak and Sabah. I love peace, not the hectic and stress environment. (So thank goodness im not staying there permanently). Anyway, i asked the uncle to send me there and i spend about 2 hours walking around and taking pictures for memories. 

 (with the help of someone, took my picture with the twin towers :D )

Well, later i entered there and did some shopping, well, bought something for my sisters, then visited the Petrosains, interesting but science just isn't my thing, so to me its quite boring. Later rushed to have my late lunch at Pavilion, before going to the concert. Had so much fun exploring, if given more time, i would have went to other shopping malls as well. but i only can see them from outside, like Fahrenheit 88.. 

Anyway, went back to the hotel, took a quick shower, got ready and headed to Stadium Merdeka!!

Love is all that matters

Love ... 

When you love, you will forget all your sorrows and sadness, because you have no time to even think about it. I'm not in love, yet, but there are so many other things i love. For example, things that i love doing, currently doing revision, i love learning new knowledge, like photography. And also currently watching an english series called "Once upon a time". Lovely story, happy ending is a every woman's dream and i am certainly one of them. :) Waiting for charming. Well, he may not be what i expected but then things can work out if we're meant to be together. XD

Anyway, today is quite peaceful and calm. Since the weather is not that hot, its really a nice weather to study. In fact, i'm really happy because i've finished revising all my subjects. Now i can relax for a while, before revising once again tonight, because some of the subjects are just a pain in the neck. Be so glad once all this is over. Whoever created exams anyway? there are so many ways to assess our understanding. :) 

Holidays are coming soon, can't wait to go back to my haven. Missing my family so much. I need a comforting hug from my mom, a tease from my dad and a few fights from my sisters. That is my family. We're not the loving type, we fight but then that's how we keep close to each other. Love them. 

Love is what gets the world going. 

Waiting... still waiting ... 

I don't know how to express this feeling but i feel so much better than i had in the last few days. Peace?? I pray-fully hope so. In fact, i am no longer afraid of being alone, i welcome the solitude. Now people are afraid that i always go out alone, but i'm not, because i know He's watching over me. Of course, i am extra careful not to be the centre of attention. walking on my own makes me realise a lot of things, i can do what i want, go where i want and no one is complaining just because i take a long time in surveying things.. Or course sometimes i still go out with friends, but things changed. I no longer care what people think of me. Recluse, introvert, geek .. to me, i have the freedom of going out, it's not your world is it?? And why should i rot while waiting for others to invite me? I can also go out and have fun. :) 

Still waiting for the moment i can share all my problems and have a loyal companion to be with wherever i am. I guess now its the time for me to be independent and see the world on my own. Guide me Lord, so i will not face any danger. Protect me from all harm. Always keep my under your care. 

I got this picture from Facebook and it really made my day. 

(No copyright intended, this picture is not mine. I'm just sharing it) 

Hence, love is really important, because if only we know how much our Lord loves us, we will not waste time on useless thoughts, thoughts to hurt others, thoughts about how ugly we are compared to others and so much more. Remember, God's love solves it all. 

As for me, knowing that God loves me is all I need to keep myself alive despite all the bad things that happen in my life. God's love never dies and it will never change. 

(As long as He loves me, nothing else matters)

Waking up to reality

Well, well, well ...

This is the real world, girl. who told you life would go easy on you? That was what i felt when everything in my life came crumbling down. I just wasn't prepared for  any of this. Then i thought, maybe she could help me. As i said, this is not fairy world. Because of this i even lost my mood to study. (Will continue tonight). Sighing and crying have been my only company. Following what's right isn't the easiest and straightest road to take. You will be faced with a lot of disappointment and shock beyond your imagination. But despite all that happens, it's good to know that you have a reason to keep standing back up despite how LIFE treated you. It's because you've got Him to turn to. I'm sorry but this isn't going to turn out good. But it's the fact of life, when you are desperate and drowning, of course you would expect someone to help you, someone close. But, remember this, this is reality. Even those close to you will ditch you when they hear about your troubles. WHO would want to get involved with someone problematic? this might ruin their OWN lives. Yea, we are all human, i'm not perfect. But did i deserve this treatment? my answer is NO. NO ONE deserves to be treated this cruelly. You are already drowning, and they just look from afar and do nothing. I remembered our Lord. His disciples denied knowing Him when he was being captured. And one person even betrayed Him!! Imagine your FRIEND, close friend, betraying you for something he deems more valuable than you? what could be more valuable than a true and sincere friendship? But luckily i know i have somewhere to turn to even when everyone seems to shun me. My Redeemer savior and friend. But like Him, He forgave them for He said they did not know what they were doing. Well, if only i could do so, but i'm trying. In fact, now i don't feel resentment, just disappointed. What happened to all the promises to always stick together like sisters? yea right. I'm not to judge anyone because i have no right. But here, i will pray that if you are going to do this to me, please, just get out of my life. I don't want more thorns than i already have now. I can't bear anymore sadness and disappointment. 

For all that happened, the Lord revealed a verse from the bible to me

1 Thessalonians 5:18

In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

I hope all things go according to His plans, all i can do now is to follow Him loyally. 

Well, to anyone out there who is facing this same problem with me, remember, Our Lord has also went through the exact same situation we are now in, so put your trust in Him and let Him guide your life. He knows how you feel and what you are going through, because He has been there once. God bless~~

crazy october

Phew.. time is flying, exam around the corner and with something 'special' coming up, how i just wish that everything will fade away, and wake me up when october ends??
Too many problems to face this month, as if the previous months weren't hectic enough.
So many events were delayed and now when its study week i can't even study in peace. Enough complaining already ( it won't help to ease my burden anyway).

I've been thinking a lot lately. About something foolish that i've done and because of that i have to face the consequences, alone. But luckily, i found out i wasn't alone. For Jesus is with me. The song "Footprints in the sand" (which i'm listening to right this very moment). I never felt so relieved. Physically, i am going through this alone,but spiritually, I'm confident that my Lord will see me through this problem, I really pray for safety. Only He knows what I'm going through now. There was a time i couldn't stand it anymore, then i searched for this song that my mom asked me to search for. "When i cry", immediately as the song started to play, i started to cry and i wasn't ashamed of it. I was completely too tired and no one around me seems to understand what i was going through at that time. i couldn't blame them because this was entirely my own fault. It really felt much better after crying, then i started to realise i MUST give my problem to the Lord, let Him decide everything for me, because i've already done what i can. After that, i felt this peace and a calm mind. Now i'm just waiting for the days to come. I can't wait to finish my exam and go back HOME!!

Because of all that's happened, i even fought with my friend, and of course, i wasn't mad because i was the cause of all problem, so why blame it on others? now i just hope she will somehow or later forgive me.

About Gossiping 

I am sometimes( probably MOST of the time) confused with the term 'gossip'. I know in the Bible it says its one of the deadliest sins. I am very aware of that. I admit i'm not perfect because i love gossiping. But then, i try to prevent it if i can. Gossip is something that i can't seem to avoid, it's like a part and parcel of my life. But as i did my devotional, i saw in Proverbs that there were a lot of warning about gossiping. 

"Without wood, a fire will go out. And without gossip. quarelling will stop." -Proverbs 26:20-

Now, whenever i hear someone asking me to join in gossiping, i will somehow just answer, "um, oh?", but inside my heart, i feel like sharing all the information i have gathered, but somehow or rather i could swallow it. the feeling was bitter, seriously. I still gossip though, but .... yeah, no matter what i say, gossip is still gossip, what for being a hypocrite here?? :)

I just hope in time to come i can reduce it and also help my friends at the same time, because if they stop, i will stop too .. =D 

God's timing

His timing is really funny and i am starting to trust in His timing. I went to church then i thought, "Well, maybe i could meet that someone here." Then he appeared. Anyway, i thought he was D-one. But he wasn't. I kept on waiting for an answer, but nothing came up. Then this thought came up, "Well, he has basically everything i want in my special person list." But then, i realised one thing, i wasnt sure whether he reads his bible everyday or not. I need to get to know him better, but i don't. If he likes me, he will take the time to know me better and TALK to me. DUH~~ All the time he ignored me and talked to my friend, even though i was right beside him!! haha~~ 

So, i laughed to myself, "Yeah, i was crazy to think sooo much". When i got back, and read my devotional book, it said "God is worth waiting for; His time is always best." my response: WOW .. 

I wanted to laugh till my stomach hurts but i couldnt because... i just couldnt. The Lord was talking to me. Ever since i prayed for the Lord to talk to me, He had always revealed what He wanted to tell me through His Holy Word. Because i don't believe in coincidence, i will always repeat, I believe everything happens for a reason. Well, i just have to keep on waiting. 

Got to go now, good night and God bless~~

Nothing is impossbile for HIM

Nothing is impossible for Him 

Today, or any days lately haven't been the best day of my life, i'm currently facing some problems,all doors seemed closed, i tried all possible methods. nothing worked out, depressed? of course, feel like crying, already did as a matter of fact. Then as i was about to do my daily devotional reading, i just opened my devotional book randomly, and out popped a verse that really made me so happy. Indeed the Lord is talking to me. I don't believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason. 

Joshua 1:5 

"I will not leave you nor forsake you"

Just what i needed most. It is really comforting to know that the Lord is always with us even though we always think that He's not. I doubted too much because i'm really scared, i thought of a lot of what if questions. I can't bear to be alone. but i won't mind if my safety is assured. but who knows? Then, i opened my devotional note book, randomly too, guess what popped up next?

2 Chronicles 15:2

The Lord is with you when you are with Him. If you seek Him He will befound by you, but if you abandon Him, He will abandon you. 

Wow, strong statement. His words are truly alive. 

Now i should put rest my case and let HIM handle it for me. I've used up all my human strength and now He asks me to let Him steer the wheel. Thank you Lord. Now, i could use some good night sleep.. Bye and God bless~~ till next time..

That weird feeling

That weird feeling

Cant seem to shake off this particular feeling. I guess i've lost it. haha. but then, this feeling doesn't seem wrong, it's normal for everyone of us to feel it, i think. You know that feeling when you are doing something you feel that someone is watching you, that person is right in front of you. But then, you think to yourself again ,"Nah,how is it possible?" but that person seems to be sending off zillions of signals saying that she/he is looking right at you. Is that infatuation? I'm not sure and i dont think i have the courage to know the answer either, because it all comes back to square one, you're thinking too much or it's true and that person is too embarrassed to admit it. Hmm, here comes the difficult part, what if... ahh...that person is someone you like? or admire perhaps. Well, im kind of facing this kind of situation,not to mention who,but then i always think to myself, how is it possible? i'm...not that pretty. and maybe i was just thinking too much, maybe he WAS looking at my direction but at something totally different than what i was thinking about. Well, our minds are so complex most of the time. 

Sports carnival

Everyone seems so busy today, well of course they should, because its the sports carnival. Just this morning we had foot drilling competition and in the afternoon we had first-aid competition. It was so tiring, i wasn't involved in any of the competition but i must be there, reason:moral support. Yea right. It was mental torture to me. Anyway, i'm proud of my own uniform body. I'm about to contribute my part this coming Wednesday, im going for the exhibition part. and im starting to regret it because i dont talk much and im afraid i would get nervous and my tongue would get twisted. i really give my problems to the Lord,but i will do my best to revise all that i can. Well, i think i should go now. God bless~~

How great Love is

1 Corinthians 13:13

So these three things continue forever:faith,hope and love. And the greatest of these is love. 

Yup, i totally agree. Love is what gets the world moving. The love we get from our Lord is so great that its like a cup overflowing with never-ending of love and care from the Lord. 

I always took everything for granted until i lose everything, because i never knew how lucky i was. Now, after reconciling, i learnt a lot from my past and that's what make me who i am today. 

I will never be a perfect person because He is still molding me in His liking. But i know that He is always with me. I get comfort from Him each and every day from His words. I feel re-charged after each devotional each night. 

I know my life doesnt reflect a real christian, but im trying to change that.I guess only those who knows me know why i'm doing what i'm doing. Others on the outside just judge as if they know everything about me. (But, i must look over this issue because its not important) God is the real judge, not me or you. 

Im grateful for the many blessings the Lord has bestowed upon my life. For my family, their love and support is so great. my crazy friends,and everyone i met on the journey of my life. 

Just now, i was just listening to some oldies song, and one of the lyrics really caught my attention, i forgot what the title of the song was,but here's the catchy part, "all this while i was searching for love at the wrong place"

It was so right! I always get disappointed when something does not go my way. And i thought, maybe God doesn't love me anymore,but i was so wrong. I then came to realise that God's way is not like our way. A priest once said that, we should not order God to do this and that, what we SHOULD do is place our PROBLEMS to God, not the solution, and God will know what to do. 

I started to get back up, smiled at my problems, and said, "I can go through this, with His help." Now, i surrender my all to the Lord and i find life more relaxing,but of course, the storms in our lives still appear, but with Him, we can be assured that we will be safe in His care. 

Talking about love, i'm excited. waiting for the perfect timing isnt an easy task. But i'm willing to wait until the Lord says,"He's just for you".. Cant wait for that time to come.. sometimes i feel as if its coming nearer, but then nothing happens, oh well, i really hope i will know when that day really comes. Better get going. Night and God bless~~

Selfishness

It's been so long since I've last wrote. Hmm.. And the blogging has changed! @.@ .. Can't express my shock, at fist i thought i was in another world or what. . haha..
My exams is next week and I'm studying like what, until i fell sick. i guess i pushed myself too much, i must think of the Lord too and ask for his protection and His guidance so i will not pressure myself too much. Anyway, i'm grateful because my fever has gone down, now i'm only left with an itchy throat and cough.
I think that a lot of people are getting more and more selfish each day, they only live to satisfy their own needs and they don't care if they hurt others. I'm really disappointed in them and i feel like crying but from today onwards i will keep everything to myself and i won't trust anyone with my problems and secrets because once in their hands its no longer a secret. I thought you promised not to tell other people, how could you? I'm not angry but sad with you. Nevermind, i don't mind what had happen (a little, i guess), and i will not trust you anymore. Because you asked for it.
I just can't wait to go back to my family, this place I'm staying here now is like an emotional CAMP. I seriously think i can go cuckoo anytime, if its not for the Lord, i think i have long entered the asylum.. So i'm thankful for everything that happened and from there i will learn from my mistakes and will not fall into the pit for the second time. I'm a straight forward person and that's why a lot of people dislike me, but i'm still alive despite your curses and bad words.
I really miss my friends who could understand me for who i really am and not condemn me without any solid proof. But they are so far away from me now. Like they said, "we are only friends. F.R.I.E.N.D.S " mere friends, weird right? we've known each other for almost 3 years already. Ok, the statement was really hurtful but i take it as it is, i will also treat you the same way, but the thing is i can't, to me everyone is important but its so saddening that the other party doesn't think that way, they think that i'm pestering with their lives. I'M SORRY. Because i didn't know that all this while i have been a pain in the neck for you all.
But i won't give up, although all my close friends are away from me, i will still continue to search for friends who will understand me. :) Need to revise now. Bye and God bless~~

At the end of the day

I have always been complaining about the bad things but i never notice good things when it comes my way. For my school based experience, i went to SK Garland. At first, i wasn't quite happy because the school is located so far from my house and i have to wake up very early to go to the school before the traffic jam starts. I have to wake up at 5am and start off the journey of 20 minutes at 6:05am. Wow, even in my campus i won't wake up that early. I guess its a practice for being a teacher next time.

On the first day, it was quite nervous and i couldnt sleep the night before but of course i woke up energised. haha.. Then, as the day passes, laziness began to sweep over me and in no time, i lose the motivation but still i force myself to wake up so i was never late to school, in fact, I'm always the earliest!

For my assignment, I was required to carry out a lesson I have planned on a class. On monday i asked the year 5 teacher and i am really grateful to her because she is the most optimistic teacher i have ever seen and she was so happy to hand over the class for me to conduct the lesson, which was the part i was most afraid of @.@

I thought she would want to teach the lesson but it didn't turn out as i hoped. So my class was to be on Friday and i had ample time, but on the other hand, ample time to alter my lesson plan, and believe me, i really DID alter it and i even tried to imagine how the lesson would be when i conducted the lesson.

However, it was totally different when i REALLY conducted the lesson, already the teacher before me took 10 minutes of my precious time so i didn't have time to do my activity in peace. And the class a mess! As in the pupils were so noisy and seriously i just wanted to get out and cry, but i fought back that feeling and continued on. the thing was, most of the pupils i find, cannot understand english. and it was very sad. and my voice was nothing compared to them!! As a last resort, i have to whisper in BM to them so they could know what's going on. But the thing is, once they understand, they will really cooperate and so, i was also happy. Since, i cannot finish the lesson in time, i had to hold them back during recess and it was so difficult to keep them silent. I think they did enjoy the poem though some did not because they either found it boring or their speed of reading is quite slow.

Overall, it wasn't as bad as i thought, but i must really improve on my voice projection and classroom management .. :)

That's all, i just want to share a few photos from my SBE .. God bless~~

I'm innocent

I dont know much about life but what i do know is that it sucks when foolish people keep on spreading lies about you that isn't at all true. I hate it and now since i'm facing it i feel like crying. I don't know what happen but all of a sudden, this person A seems to despise me every moment i see him. The person who badmouthed me should really be punished.. Oh, how i wish and wish her mouth will rot and will be filled with maggots. Acting innocent might help you through life but with God, you're nothing but rubbish. Judging people is a sin, but badmouthing? Come on, you should know who you're messing with. I know i cannot undo what has been done, but i will always pray that one day, the table will turn around and by then, see who's the last one who's laughing. I bet when you're the victim you won't be wanting to smile at all.

I don't know why this type of people must exist. They twist every words that come out of your mouth so it would seem foul and rude when it comes to the ears of other people. You can run from God but you cannot hide from Him. I just feel so demotivated now. I don't want people to dislike me but with the existence of this type of human being, how could you not hate them? It's really the devil's work in getting us further away from God.

Hence, in this season of fasting and penance, I pray that God will give me the strength i need to fight off all these useless things and no matter what happens, i will always have trusted friends beside me who really understand me and not judge me from other people's point of view. Amen.

Trust no one, sadness no more

Well, actually you can't exactly banish sadness because it's like blended in our life already. Trusting in people nowadays only lead to sadness that only oneself can understand.

I'd rather not trust in any human at all. There's too much burden to bear. Enough with being a hypocrite and what more to say "poker face" ..

I can't live a lie anymore, I'm tired of everything already.Nothing was ever right. Lies will come out eventually even if you try to cover them up. Darkness will always be overcome by light. When it comes, i can't wait to see all your dark secrets exposed by the light.

I was a fool thinking that trusting someone and confiding in someone would be so simple. But it wasn't. Well, everyone makes mistake, I'm not saying anyone, but generally i believe we do face this difficulty in some parts of our lives and we can't deny the hurt it caused us. No matter how time heals, there will always be a scar and if we always repeat the same mistake, the scar will only deepen and increase our pain.

How i wish i could leave this earth. I want to find rest. Sleeping is no good because it is only temporary. I want to rest eternally in the arms of God. I can't bear all these myself. Help me Lord..

No rain, no rainbows

Today something came up and then i decided to look on the meaning of rain and rainbows so i decided to look it up. It really has this significant meaning and i would really like to share it with everyone.
"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow." ~ G. K. Chestertan~
Below is the website i found and i would really want to have a copy of her book.
(http://www.rainbeforerainbows.com/)

I didn't mean to steal and this is not mine ok ..

"The Secret of Success is Not a Secret is an inspiring collection features the stories of more than 300 people who faced failure or setbacks in their fields before going on to phenomenal success. The persevering individuals profiled include those from a wide range of disciplines, backgrounds, and time periods. From Katharine Hepburn to J.K. Rowling, from Elvis Presley to Michael Jordan, readers will find all the motivation they need to create their own secret to success"

What it said feel as if its connected to my own lilfe .. God bless..

A symbol of appreciation

Lately I've been crocheting rubberbands and i don't know whether to sell it or not. Then i got this brilliant idea. I will give our 10 of my crocheted rubberbands to friends i consider special. It will be tough since i have a number of friends. Well, if anyone ones to buy, the price is at RM2.50 each. Haha, promoting it. Below are a few pictures of those i have finished crocheted and some i've already given to my friends .. :)

I guess that's all for now .. God bless .. and I am feeling a little better than my last entry..

Back to the past

I felt as if the force of the past is pulling me back. Now there's nothing i can do but be pulled back. From today onward, all i see is a picture of black and white. I don't know how to explain this feeling but it's awful.

There's no more color left in my world. I have gone back to the past, i think it's just me because everyone else seems so blissful in their own world. I'm the only one with the sulky face.

I won't laugh anymore nor will i cry, i must be strong and endure this painful suffering. I hate it here. I keep on repeating the same thing, BUT mark my word. I will only improve and study harder so i could pass my time rather than realising the fact that im actually in another hell hole! U thought i had managed to escape the previous one but it seems as if i have fallen into another one, not to mention the increase in depth.

I really hope and pray this year will end fast, I've always thought that 2011 was bad, this year's WORSE!!! I despise the fact that i'm even here. Shit! That's a damn painful truth and i have to bear with me.

Like what my friend said, now i know how she feels, i'm at the bottom of the wheel and stuck to there until the time of the world ends.

I simply can't smile, even if i do, it's so damn FAKE and it looks so fucking SICK!!!! I never felt so much anger in me before. I don't know what else to say, just *##*!!!!!!!!!!!

Recollection part 3 (Finale)

This is part 3 and here i want to share those wonderful memories when i was with my sisters. I have three sisters, one elder sister and two younger sisters. We do have our occasional fights but still we love each other like other sister would have.

Well, my elder sister came back for the holidays and we spent most of the time in kampong and also went out for a short outing. I wasn't quite happy about that because i was about to head back to campus. Nevertheless, we still spent time together, right until i was about to enter the check-in terminal. Life is like that, we don't always get what we want. And what we get is what we don't want. Funny how life makes fun of us.

Here are some pictures of her and i really cherish those moments even though we had had our time .. (you know what i mean) :P

(here i crocheted a hairband for her)

(the four sisters, going for an outing to the Spring shopping mall)

(an art exhibition in the spring shopping mall)

(at sugar bun in the Spring, my sister treating us since she got a year end bonus .. haha)

(haizz, this is where it all ends, sending me to the Kuching international airport, i was about to check-in that time, really felt like running away, but here i am now, in campus.. that's why i really dislike going to airports, no one ever stays. . i hate it)

Well, i guess this is the end of my recollection from the year 2011. Another year has passed and now it's time to move on. I still find it difficult to do so because there are so many things to leave behind and start fresh but i will do my very best this year and strive better for this semester. God bless ~~ :)

Recollection part 2

This is the second part of the year 2011's recollection. Well, i went back to my father's village. It was quite bored at first but at least i got work to do. So, days went by until it was christmas. It was quite a silent christmas. Only me and my family, then i also went visiting. The interesting part was that my grandpa and my aunts and uncles and cousins came. It was a change in atmosphere. The previous night it was raining and some part of the ground was covered with water. So, my sisters and cousins and I went down to inspect the water. Haha, it was fun but of course being the skeptical one, i was seriously afraid of things that might be hiding in the water, for example, water snake. So i only stayed there for a while. Later my aunt and I decided to visit my aunts from my father's side. Well, i could say things were doing fine, but when they got home, the house feels so empty, and i became,well, lonely. Luckily, TV was showing my favourite singer at that time, Michael Buble. I really love him so at least i didn't feel that sad because they left. I am very happy my grandpa made such an effort to visit because it was a long journey from where they stay.

Then at night the rain only grew bigger and by morning, we all got the shock of our lives, because the whole area was flooded, and my house was above water, the road can't even be seen. But for children, like my nephews and niece, they were really excited and took that opportunity to go for a swim. It was so cold since it was still early in the morning. So, i just watched them and it was real fun.

Well, I guess that's all, wait for part 3.. It's more about how i spend the last few days of my holidays with my sisters. God bless .. :)

Recollection part 1

Along the years, there are alot of sweet and also bitter memories. But they are still memories as i improved for the better after encountering them all, regardless. For the year 2011, i thought it was a tough year because it was my first degree year and i was nervous whether i could cope up or not because it was surely different compared to as when i was in my foundation year. So, I wanted to be serious and studied real hard, but not smart. So, i was quite disappointed about certain matters along the way. But after all those, then i realise one thing, one could never be perfect. I thought i could outsmart that saying but i was only driving myself to the edge of the cliff. During that tough period of time, i learned to laugh and cry at the same time. I'm now grateful for everything that i have and i thanked God for sending friends that are really helpful in times of need.

Hence, I went through my first degree year quite well, and my results were quite satifactory because i did my best and i'm happy with the outcome. This year i will do harder and learn smart and have fun learning at the same time. I guess being too serious in studies only makes one too depressed and from my experience, you will forget things easily. So, one of my resolutions this year is to become more carefree and always remember that there are a lot of people around me who cares for me and i must show them how good i am and make them proud.

During the holidays, I learned crocheting. I think that it's more interesting than knitting. No offence but everything just comes out so easily. In knitting, maybe it's because i'm still not a pro in knitting and it takes me quite a while to finish a project, for example, in making a small bag. But in crocheting, i can finish it in two days or maybe less if i didn't took my break for too long.. hahah.. Well, believe me, learning from scrap is really difficult. But after a week, i managed to crochet well, not perfect. I'm still learning how to do other different types of stitches and patterns. I learned through the internet, and also a book my grandfather lend to me. It's really precious to me because it's my grandpas'. There are a few products which i had made and I guess it's quite an achievement during the holidays because i didn't have much to do when i was at home.

(this is the biggest project i make, a crocheted bear, i finished it in four days, his name is AJ)

(A crocheted ribbon, i made it into a rubber band for my sister)

(those above are some simple crocheted flowers, i also attached them into rubber bands)

(a close-up look of the crocheted flower, not that perfect yet)

(I also learned and corrected some of my mistakes by reading this book, which belongs to my mom, mostly about increasing and decreasing stitches, a very common mistakes among beginners like me)

Well, i guess that's all for now.. Bye and please await my "recollection part 2" .. :) God Bless~~