Often in life we always think that we are alone, some people just can't mingle with others and they are often segregated from the so-called gang, or other times those people will bad mouth 'us' and label us as geeks, nerds and also autism(which someone called me just recently). I myself admit that I find it difficult to mix and socialize with people whom I find boring and also only being able to talk nonsense, gossip for example, it's not that I've never gossiped, but sometimes there are this certain type of people who just can't stop talking rubbish. My point is, what should one do if he or she is being isolated from a big group? I have that experience already, as I had mentioned earlier, one of my course-mate labelled me as a person suffering from autism. Well, at first I was really mad and I prayed that he would fall down the stairs.
Anger cannot be avoided, in my case because having people bad mouth you is bad enough(I've been called a nerd before), but being called autism? Isn't that too much?
Before this, I really felt like crying, and in fact I did
cry because I couldn't stand the pressure. I've always thought that God should be here with me at times like this, but where was He?
A few weeks back, I asked a Pastor for advise and he told me that sometimes God doesn't answer our prayer directly but He did not do it on purpose. He said, "God does everything with a purpose". He also added, maybe I'm not ready and the time isn't right. So, I continued to pray. One day, I was reading "Our Daily Bread" as usual and I was shocked, because from that day's reading the writer said that "Isolation and loneliness are among the most painful of human experiences". I almost cried but stopped myself immediately. With that, the writer gave a verse from the bible, and I will never forget it. "God said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'. [Heb. 13:5]
He ended by saying, :In Christ you will never walk alone.
I felt so touched at the moment and I really thanked God from the bottom of my heart because I knew that my prayer was answered. God has spoken through the scriptures, just as He said He would.
After that day, I felt myself changing, I was no longer afraid if I don't have anyone beside me when I'm going somewhere because I know that God is always beside me. Though I know that sometimes I must have at least a friend I will never forget that God is there to support me in my journey.
Suicide? Yes, I've thought of it. But I thought about it a lot of times and I finally realized what a fool I must be because I even though I end my suffering on earth, I will suffer eternally in the burning fires of hell. As a conclusion, suicide is not and never will be a wise choice and answer. So please don't waste your life away. Remember this, God needs you and that you're not on this earth without a reason.
I've also learnt to love myself
and others around me slowly with the Lord's help.
Good night and God bless..
Smile, and remember you're beautiful (:
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