Linguistc's over!

I'm so happy because linguistics is finally over. but the thing is, i was quite happy because what i had revised had came out and it was really relieved.. I was expecting questions harder than that but.. I'm grateful and i really thanked God because while learning, i didn't know why i wanted to read that particular topic and guess what? it came out in the essay part. well.. God is great and there's nothing more i could ask for. Now studying for my last paper, literature, after that i'm going to be free.... :) i think this is the shortest post because i have to learn my literature as i'm going to sleep early.. i feel so tired now.. good night..

Newly gained freedom

Can't believe it's over.. Just finished my Child development paper and there's two more paper to go and then i'm going back!!! Now the stress part is learning for the next paper. I've studied and read through almost everything, but the important thing here is the application and also the phonology part. i really fear linguistics the most among all the four paper that i'm sitting for. Actually i wanted to sleep for a while but time is too precious and so i've decided to continue on and see my weaknesses.

Update on my spiritual life

I went to the Alpha weekend away and it was fun and memorable. Because that was the day i received the gift of tongues and also the gift of patience. Now when i see something that is supposed to make me mad, i just don't feel angry at all. Instead i accept things as the way they are because there's nothing that i can change. And the title "Newly gained freedom" really means a lot in my life because i get to see things from a new point of view. I am now reborn and i feel new and i feel closer to God because of the Holy Spirit. I don't know how to explain my feelings when i received the Holy Spirit. My leader prayed for me and suddenly I have this feeling gushing out from inside and all of a sudden i started weeping. But it was only for a while and i'm really grateful because I finally received it and now i know it. I'm confident in God right now. Before this I am confident but this experience make me trust in Him more than ever. I thank God for giving me this opportunity because of letting me join. Before this, i was hesitating whether to go or not because i have exams. Now it's proven that God is great because He had blessed me with wisdom because for my Child development, i was able to answer everything with a calm mind and also i wasn't nervous at all. Some people might say they were also not nervous so this feeling couldn't have come from God. But i tell you, only if you are filled with the Holy Spirit and the Love of God that you can experience this calmness as this is no ordinary calmness.

I really feel happy, relieved, my faith in God has increased at a very fast rate and during the church summon yesterday (Sunday), I was really absorbed by the reading because Jesus said he was going back to His father to prepare rooms for us. What a great comfort for those who are now suffering and facing the storms in their lives. Because Jesus is now resurrected.

Let's put our troubles and worries to God and let him do all the worrying because Jesus also said that let those who are down trodden and heavy laden come to Him and he will give us PEACE..

God bless all and also in your exams .. :)

What a day

Today I just finished my first paper and I feel so tired and also sad because.. oh well, the usual thing, Yea, I've studied, but not in depth. Only selected topic. Then those unselected topic just have to be chosen and asked in the exam. I felt like laughing but crying when I went out of the exam hall. SO, I called my parents and they said it's okay because there are other 7 more semesters to go. Then i said, "Yea, but if i fail, i'll be kicked out, then how's there going to be 7 more semesters?" The moment she heard this, she scolded me and said if I don't get a good result she's going to hit me.. :( So not motivating huh? anyway, thinking back now, i think i've done my best and i'm quite satisfied because i've all the question, just that I'm not so sure about the answers. Thanks God because i've finished today's paper peacefully and no disturbance whatsoever.

Now I'm kinda relaxing because i've just finished watching "Merlin Season 3". Listening to songs and i want to continue to study for my nest paper, "Child Development", the last chapter, later maybe.. maybe i'll continue on with Linguistics.. :)

Yeah, that's right. i must motivate myself because if not who will? God alone is not enough. I have to do my part of the bargain too. While watching Merlin just now, i liked this particular verse that was spoken by Guinevere. She told Arthur that "Worry is not a good counsel". I have to agree because worrying only makes you look ... i don't know, as if you have nothing better to do. Action must be done, not only worrying..

Well, i guess that's all for now. I continue to pray for myself and also others who's still sitting for their exams.. All the best people and God bless.

Tomorrow is the day

I feel so nervous and also great at the same time. First, it's because my exam starts tomorrow and also I just had a prayer group with my friends and I feel that God is right beside me and since I have studied, there's nothing i should be afraid of, unless i'm not prepared. I am prepared but it of course depends on the questions asked tomorrow.

Well, development of the day. Nothing much to report about, except that i finished my revision in time and actually i planned to sleep but the time was not suitable (even though it was raining so hard) it was almost 5pm. So i stayed up and talked to my friend to release the stress. After that i took my bath and got ready to have my dinner at the cafeteria. It was altogether a day like other. I feel complete and happy because ... i'm not sure, i guess it's my positive thinking. I know that nothing is permanent but i will do all i can to keep a positive mind set because i won't be deceived by the devil. I know that temptation is always there but i pray that i will be strong in facing everyday's challenge and obstacles.

Thinking of going back home made me happy because i haven't seen them for almost three months now. My life now really depends on God and also what He has to offer me for the day. When i need to ask for guidance, i will pray and indeed the Lord answers because he said before, "Ask and you shall receive". God is always there, it's up to us whether we want to ask or not because Jesus said before that He will never push and force Himself into our life. Like the drawing (The light of the world) i once saw in an Alpha session recently, the door knob was on the inside while Jesus was outside knocking on the door. When people asked the painter, he said that Jesus only knocks, it's up to us totally as to whether we want to open the door of our lives to Him or not.

He will never force us because that's just His way. I was really touched by this because it only proves how great Jesus is, he will wait for us until the day we receive Him into our life.

For those who are sitting for your final exams, i pray for all of you to have peace and not be nervous on that day and also I ask God to bless you all with wisdom and answer logically... :)

Mixed feelings

Have you ever fall in love before? I have had one but I don't consider that as love because when I think back it was quite foolish because i was still so young at that time. There's this guy, I admired him at first but as time passes by, the feeling developed into something more, i started liking him, a lot. I tried to change myself so that he would somehow notice me. And also improve on my studies. But nothing had changed and now I seldom see him because he's so busy and yea, we're really far apart.

Then I watched this Thailand movie, the story line was exactly like mine but of course it's fantasy and they ended up together because the guy also liked the girl as well. As for me, that's a different story. Recently, I've just denied my feelings towards him, saying that I've forgotten him already. but seeing this movie made me reconsidered what i've said, did i try hard enough? Am i giving up too easily? I don't know. I'm really confused right now. I dislike feeling like this but i guess that means that i still like him. but the thing is there's nothing i can do because he doesn't even know i exist, well actually he does but he doesn't know who i am. :) It's a long story.

Now I know I should concentrate on my exam because it's this coming Thursday and I still haven't finished revising.

So, what is the next step? I have to wait for his response then, which i have been, it's been almost 3 months now since I've been waiting.. Well, patience is golden.. I admit I'm already giving up and feeling VERY disappointed. But God has His own way, maybe he's not the one..

I wonder what he's doing now ...

Puzzles in life

Have you ever felt incomplete? Like something's missing in your life. No matter what you try to do and accomplish, that missing part or space still cannot be filled. For me, the missing puzzle would be Jesus. Believe me, you can be filthy rich and have all the things in the world but without Him, your life will never be complete. Slowly but progressively, I'm trying to fit Him into my life because I feel that I'm still not worthy enough of His great love.

I really am grateful because I've found the answer to my prayer.

Today is a great day because I went to church and I really found comfort when i was in the Lord's presence because His words really made me tocuhed and of course as usual I wanted to cry but logically I can't as there were so many people around me. Then I just thanked God from the bottom of my heart. :)

Later I went to the shopping mall with my friends, ate lunch and walked around. The Kaamatan festival is drawing near so there were many decorations and also stalls promoting products of Sabah and it was really a scenery .. I've taken a few pictures as memories ..

To serve with love

I would like to wish all nurses around the world a very happy nurse day, especially to my beloved sister, who's in Penang right now. For me, being a nurse is a very difficult job and I really admire my sister because she chose this profession. Even though society may think this is a low level job but if not for the nurses, who's going to help the doctors? I don't believe the doctors can do much without the help from the nurses. This very day goes way back to the late Florence Nightingale, who was born on this exact same day in the year 1820. Not many dare to sacrifice and devote their life to nursing because as I had mentioned earlier, this is no easy job.

today was a busy day and just went through the 'taklimat peperiksaan'. Really feel nervous now because exam is next week and I'm really struggling here to finish my studies. There's some progress so I hope everything can finish up in time.

The thought of the day is to be kind, and I did try my best to be kind to everyone today and it feels great because it's good to smile and just relax.

have a good day everyone .. (:

Life in the past and present

Often in life we always think that we are alone, some people just can't mingle with others and they are often segregated from the so-called gang, or other times those people will bad mouth 'us' and label us as geeks, nerds and also autism(which someone called me just recently). I myself admit that I find it difficult to mix and socialize with people whom I find boring and also only being able to talk nonsense, gossip for example, it's not that I've never gossiped, but sometimes there are this certain type of people who just can't stop talking rubbish. My point is, what should one do if he or she is being isolated from a big group? I have that experience already, as I had mentioned earlier, one of my course-mate labelled me as a person suffering from autism. Well, at first I was really mad and I prayed that he would fall down the stairs.

Anger cannot be avoided, in my case because having people bad mouth you is bad enough(I've been called a nerd before), but being called autism? Isn't that too much?

Before this, I really felt like crying, and in fact I did

cry because I couldn't stand the pressure. I've always thought that God should be here with me at times like this, but where was He?

A few weeks back, I asked a Pastor for advise and he told me that sometimes God doesn't answer our prayer directly but He did not do it on purpose. He said, "God does everything with a purpose". He also added, maybe I'm not ready and the time isn't right. So, I continued to pray. One day, I was reading "Our Daily Bread" as usual and I was shocked, because from that day's reading the writer said that "Isolation and loneliness are among the most painful of human experiences". I almost cried but stopped myself immediately. With that, the writer gave a verse from the bible, and I will never forget it. "God said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'. [Heb. 13:5]

He ended by saying, :In Christ you will never walk alone.

I felt so touched at the moment and I really thanked God from the bottom of my heart because I knew that my prayer was answered. God has spoken through the scriptures, just as He said He would.

After that day, I felt myself changing, I was no longer afraid if I don't have anyone beside me when I'm going somewhere because I know that God is always beside me. Though I know that sometimes I must have at least a friend I will never forget that God is there to support me in my journey.

Suicide? Yes, I've thought of it. But I thought about it a lot of times and I finally realized what a fool I must be because I even though I end my suffering on earth, I will suffer eternally in the burning fires of hell. As a conclusion, suicide is not and never will be a wise choice and answer. So please don't waste your life away. Remember this, God needs you and that you're not on this earth without a reason.

I've also learnt to love myself

and others around me slowly with the Lord's help.

Good night and God bless..

Smile, and remember you're beautiful (:

So yesterday

Listening to "So yesterday" by Hilary Duff and it struck me. Once something happened, we cannot reverse it because it's said and done.

Life's like that, often we want to turn back the time but it's too late. However, what we can do is to improve from our mistakes and promise ourselves not to repeat the same errors we had committed in the past.

I've made a lot of mistakes in the past and up till now i'm still making up for it. I really thank God for giving me time to repent.

Besides that, I've also let my past go because I want to live a new life with God. To DO so isn't that easy of course because there's so many things I cannot forget, the bad things and I feel grateful because He has forgiven

my sins, the thing is I still can't forgive myself, till the day I realised that by not forgiving myself isn't going to get me anywhere. After forgiving myself bit by bit, I feel that I can breathe more freely and now I really live on the Word of God because what He said is all true and He really spoke to me through the verses. Besides that, it is also because of my friend that I decided to open up a blog. I want to share my life experiences so that people out there who are facing hardship like I did will know that they are not alone in this world

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Now I'm studying for my mock exam but I don't know why I'm not that nervous,(later results come out then i pengsan..heheh) Getting ready for my big exam, which is next week. i PRAY God will give me guidance ..