Hungry physically and spiritually

I only had instant coffee and biscuits for my dinner, and now my stomach is killing me, so i'm munching on mamee monster. At least my stomach would be quiet for a while.

Actually I planned on sleeping early because i had the symptoms of getting a fever. feel cold and the air is chilly but now i feel a little better.

tomorrow is monday and i really dread it because it's going to class all over again. but the difference is my assignments just keep on increasing and I've got to finish them in such a short period of time. Hunger in the physical is still ok because you can fill your stomach with food. But spiritually? It's not simple as i thought it was. The more you hunger for God, the more the devil will try to stop you by putting trials and temptations. But, we must always stay strong and believe in God's promise.

I just read from the Daily Bread recently and one of the writers wrote, something like this, troubles can either lead to to God or against it. I prayed and my day turned upside down immediately. My rice cooker was confiscated and it was so not my fault because my friend borrowed it and she just put in at the pantry. what a lucky day for the warden to come..

What did you expect me to do? I cursed like hell and promised never to lend anything to her anymore. She didn't even feel sorry at all!!! Not the least bit sorry! How could I not be mad and i was really mad. I straight away went to sleep and when i woke up, I reconsider my anger, I knew it couldn't be avoided. but the question is, has the days incident brought me nearer to God or further from Him? I was ashamed of my actions because i did it based on the heat of the moment. I regretted my action, prayed for forgiveness. That day really taught me a huge lesson. To God or against Him, as simple as that. I really pray for more patience and also today's bible reading was that Solomon asked for wisdom from God and today i ask for God's mercy and forgiveness and also pray for patience and also wisdom in action and in everything i do. Good night all .

Which road to choose??

Have you ever thought of which way you're going when you're at the crossroad of your life? or u just prefer to choose the road that is more exciting, more fun and all the things the world has to offer to you. Well, I guess you better take the better look at the road that you are about to travel.

I've been thinking about what topic to write and after today, I just knew what to write.

Going to the Alpha course for the third round starting from last year has really transformed my life. Each Alpha changed my life in a different way in various perspectives. I learned to know about a God who is so merciful and loving, slow to anger but rich in kindness. I'm born in a Christian family but honestly speaking, I didn't live a Christian life until I went to this Alpha course, it's not to say that I'm a holy person now, I'm doing my best to alter the mistakes I have made in the past.

Anyway back to the topic which is "Which road to choose", the decision we make today affects the life we live tomorrow. It's vital that we make a wise choice. The reason why I want to talk about this is because after going to today's Alpha, which is the first meeting, mentioned about this, which really disturbed my mind because now I'm going through one of those bad times, as you can say it.

The question is, would you choose your own feelings or the promises of God?

My answer: the promises of God, for sure! I don't trust in myself anymore. It's not just difficult, it's impossible. which is why every time I pray, "Lord, I surrender everything to you". I can't do this alone, I can't manage it alone, I'm just simply too tired. Like now, when I'm facing hardship and all, my heart is actually asking me to blame everything on God because He didn't help me when I fell into the ditch. But in the Bible, God promised us all, saying that "I will not forsake you nor abandon you". This promise is great enough to raise me up and face the challenge again.

Which brings us to the main topic again, no matter which road you will choose, remember, do it based on what God has promised us, and NOT on our foolish and naive emotions. I made that decision and it really transformed my life. I know I'm not perfect and I'm still human, which means I still get mad, I still gossip, but one thing for sure, I know God is always there even though sometimes we feel He's not. That's why Jesus told Thomas, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed". Like what I remembered from the Alpha course earlier, God has given us lots of evidence, and we should be thankful because it means our faith is not a blind faith. We believe in One living God. Amen ..

Let's pray together: Lord, I pray that my trust in you will increase as each day passes and despite all the sufferings I'm going through, if it's for You, I'm willing to, because You said, "those who believe in me will live even though they die." ..

Linguistc's over!

I'm so happy because linguistics is finally over. but the thing is, i was quite happy because what i had revised had came out and it was really relieved.. I was expecting questions harder than that but.. I'm grateful and i really thanked God because while learning, i didn't know why i wanted to read that particular topic and guess what? it came out in the essay part. well.. God is great and there's nothing more i could ask for. Now studying for my last paper, literature, after that i'm going to be free.... :) i think this is the shortest post because i have to learn my literature as i'm going to sleep early.. i feel so tired now.. good night..

Newly gained freedom

Can't believe it's over.. Just finished my Child development paper and there's two more paper to go and then i'm going back!!! Now the stress part is learning for the next paper. I've studied and read through almost everything, but the important thing here is the application and also the phonology part. i really fear linguistics the most among all the four paper that i'm sitting for. Actually i wanted to sleep for a while but time is too precious and so i've decided to continue on and see my weaknesses.

Update on my spiritual life

I went to the Alpha weekend away and it was fun and memorable. Because that was the day i received the gift of tongues and also the gift of patience. Now when i see something that is supposed to make me mad, i just don't feel angry at all. Instead i accept things as the way they are because there's nothing that i can change. And the title "Newly gained freedom" really means a lot in my life because i get to see things from a new point of view. I am now reborn and i feel new and i feel closer to God because of the Holy Spirit. I don't know how to explain my feelings when i received the Holy Spirit. My leader prayed for me and suddenly I have this feeling gushing out from inside and all of a sudden i started weeping. But it was only for a while and i'm really grateful because I finally received it and now i know it. I'm confident in God right now. Before this I am confident but this experience make me trust in Him more than ever. I thank God for giving me this opportunity because of letting me join. Before this, i was hesitating whether to go or not because i have exams. Now it's proven that God is great because He had blessed me with wisdom because for my Child development, i was able to answer everything with a calm mind and also i wasn't nervous at all. Some people might say they were also not nervous so this feeling couldn't have come from God. But i tell you, only if you are filled with the Holy Spirit and the Love of God that you can experience this calmness as this is no ordinary calmness.

I really feel happy, relieved, my faith in God has increased at a very fast rate and during the church summon yesterday (Sunday), I was really absorbed by the reading because Jesus said he was going back to His father to prepare rooms for us. What a great comfort for those who are now suffering and facing the storms in their lives. Because Jesus is now resurrected.

Let's put our troubles and worries to God and let him do all the worrying because Jesus also said that let those who are down trodden and heavy laden come to Him and he will give us PEACE..

God bless all and also in your exams .. :)

What a day

Today I just finished my first paper and I feel so tired and also sad because.. oh well, the usual thing, Yea, I've studied, but not in depth. Only selected topic. Then those unselected topic just have to be chosen and asked in the exam. I felt like laughing but crying when I went out of the exam hall. SO, I called my parents and they said it's okay because there are other 7 more semesters to go. Then i said, "Yea, but if i fail, i'll be kicked out, then how's there going to be 7 more semesters?" The moment she heard this, she scolded me and said if I don't get a good result she's going to hit me.. :( So not motivating huh? anyway, thinking back now, i think i've done my best and i'm quite satisfied because i've all the question, just that I'm not so sure about the answers. Thanks God because i've finished today's paper peacefully and no disturbance whatsoever.

Now I'm kinda relaxing because i've just finished watching "Merlin Season 3". Listening to songs and i want to continue to study for my nest paper, "Child Development", the last chapter, later maybe.. maybe i'll continue on with Linguistics.. :)

Yeah, that's right. i must motivate myself because if not who will? God alone is not enough. I have to do my part of the bargain too. While watching Merlin just now, i liked this particular verse that was spoken by Guinevere. She told Arthur that "Worry is not a good counsel". I have to agree because worrying only makes you look ... i don't know, as if you have nothing better to do. Action must be done, not only worrying..

Well, i guess that's all for now. I continue to pray for myself and also others who's still sitting for their exams.. All the best people and God bless.

Tomorrow is the day

I feel so nervous and also great at the same time. First, it's because my exam starts tomorrow and also I just had a prayer group with my friends and I feel that God is right beside me and since I have studied, there's nothing i should be afraid of, unless i'm not prepared. I am prepared but it of course depends on the questions asked tomorrow.

Well, development of the day. Nothing much to report about, except that i finished my revision in time and actually i planned to sleep but the time was not suitable (even though it was raining so hard) it was almost 5pm. So i stayed up and talked to my friend to release the stress. After that i took my bath and got ready to have my dinner at the cafeteria. It was altogether a day like other. I feel complete and happy because ... i'm not sure, i guess it's my positive thinking. I know that nothing is permanent but i will do all i can to keep a positive mind set because i won't be deceived by the devil. I know that temptation is always there but i pray that i will be strong in facing everyday's challenge and obstacles.

Thinking of going back home made me happy because i haven't seen them for almost three months now. My life now really depends on God and also what He has to offer me for the day. When i need to ask for guidance, i will pray and indeed the Lord answers because he said before, "Ask and you shall receive". God is always there, it's up to us whether we want to ask or not because Jesus said before that He will never push and force Himself into our life. Like the drawing (The light of the world) i once saw in an Alpha session recently, the door knob was on the inside while Jesus was outside knocking on the door. When people asked the painter, he said that Jesus only knocks, it's up to us totally as to whether we want to open the door of our lives to Him or not.

He will never force us because that's just His way. I was really touched by this because it only proves how great Jesus is, he will wait for us until the day we receive Him into our life.

For those who are sitting for your final exams, i pray for all of you to have peace and not be nervous on that day and also I ask God to bless you all with wisdom and answer logically... :)

Mixed feelings

Have you ever fall in love before? I have had one but I don't consider that as love because when I think back it was quite foolish because i was still so young at that time. There's this guy, I admired him at first but as time passes by, the feeling developed into something more, i started liking him, a lot. I tried to change myself so that he would somehow notice me. And also improve on my studies. But nothing had changed and now I seldom see him because he's so busy and yea, we're really far apart.

Then I watched this Thailand movie, the story line was exactly like mine but of course it's fantasy and they ended up together because the guy also liked the girl as well. As for me, that's a different story. Recently, I've just denied my feelings towards him, saying that I've forgotten him already. but seeing this movie made me reconsidered what i've said, did i try hard enough? Am i giving up too easily? I don't know. I'm really confused right now. I dislike feeling like this but i guess that means that i still like him. but the thing is there's nothing i can do because he doesn't even know i exist, well actually he does but he doesn't know who i am. :) It's a long story.

Now I know I should concentrate on my exam because it's this coming Thursday and I still haven't finished revising.

So, what is the next step? I have to wait for his response then, which i have been, it's been almost 3 months now since I've been waiting.. Well, patience is golden.. I admit I'm already giving up and feeling VERY disappointed. But God has His own way, maybe he's not the one..

I wonder what he's doing now ...