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Friday, December 30, 2016

Another 2016 recollection

Here's a flashback of how 2016 went for me...
(with my close friend and colleague, at the teacher's office, empty as it was a friday)

(finished preparing for my lessons)

(teaching aids for my year 1 pupils, they learnt better through visuals)

(trying out my friend's props for her wedding, she's married now and going to be a mummy next year)

(This was taken during Chinese new year at my grandpa's house)

(A minister came to our school and we were so excited. it was my first time seeing a helicopter upclose) 

(we just couldn't resist it. A picture is a must) 

(another weekend outing with this gorgeous lady in Sibu, miss those days) 

(Outing day with my family) 

(After the singing competition in Sibu, which our school won first place, it is self-rewarding time. this place was good, but i really forgot the name, it's somwhere in Bandung, Sibu) 

(Uniform body camping, it was such a nice experience for me because i never had the chance to join one during my school days, strict parenting) 

(climbing up the bamboo stairs as part of their task, scary but fun) 

(teacher's day cards, it was a memorable one) 

(Outing with my parents and nephew) 

(Miri trip with the year 6 pupils, it was their class trip) 

(At Miri RTM, it was a fun experience, had first-hand experience of observing how the DJ talked and handled everything. She was really a PRO) 

(At Marina bay, Miri, visited the ships)

(At the beach, the scenery was so serene and calm) 

(At the grand old lady, the view was magnificent) 

(At Miri crocodile farm, the cute snake and me) 

(My big family, the teachers and staffs of SK Nanga Ngungun, Kanowit) 


(With the Year 4 pupils, i only taught  them for a while, but i was close to them because i had taught them the year before, my first posting) 
(My year 1 babies, love them all no matter how much they crush my heart to pieces, haha) 

(My year five pupils, they are really bright ones and i pray for the best for them next year as they enter year 6) 


(Outing with my sister, the beginning of the holidays) 

(went for a short course about DLP in Grand continental Hotel Kuching, it was a nice experience as i got to meet teachers from different schools and make new friends at the same time) 

(A picture before we parted ways, but i hope we will meet again in the future) 


(Dinner with the pretty ladies, it was right after my friend and I arrived at Bintulu)


(The four pink ladies, love them all to bits)

(My 2016 vacation, it was such a memorable trip, really miss all those moments)

There are still a lot of pictures but these are the main highlights of my 2016 journey. I pray for better ones in 2017, and may the Lord bless all of us. Amen. 

A farewell poem for 2016

Still not too late to wish a Merry Christmas to those who are celebrating it.
It has been a tough yet memorable year, as always. 
There is always so much to be learnt. We never finish learning even if we are old. 
At the beginning of 2016, I was so impatient in hoping that it would soon come to an end because it was really a hectic year. 
But now that 2016 is really coming to an end in just a few more hours, it feels weird. 
2017 is coming soon. 
So I have created a silly poem that suddenly popped out of nowhere. 

Here it goes:

"As the days pass by,
2016 is about to end, we ask why?
But get no reply.
Just wait and lie, 
Until 2017 says 'Hi'.

It has been the toughest yet memorable year,
Which would surely bring a tear, 
As we close this chapter dear,
Of 2016 here."


Monday, December 12, 2016

The trip of the year (2016)

This has been the longest trip yet in my life. My friend and I travelled from Kuching to Bintulu by bus, where we met up with friends and from there we continued to Miri, Brunei, Limbang, Lawas and finally reached Kota Kinabalu (Sabah).
It was a long and tiring trip and many things happened along the way, but thank God everything went well and we arrived Kuching safely on the 7th December, we departed from Kuching on the 30th November 2016.
Below are some pictures, just for sharing:
(Just arrived at Bintulu, ate at Doraemon cafe, nice western food they got there, late dinner with the ladies)

(Centre point Sabah, the place where I first went to 5 1/2 years ago as a student, now as a working adult, so many memories there. missed it so much, thank God i had the chance to visit it)

(my favourite cinema of all time, GROWBALL, i'm not sure but i can say you can't get any cheaper tickets than them, if you're a student, RM5, normal at RM7, unless the movie is new) cool right? love this place so much!

(Perdana park, the famous dancing fountain, we came just in time for the show) hehe

(Visited Low Kawi wildlife park, hot day but totally worth it, most of the places were closed, it was quite different from when the last time we visited it, in 2014)

(Smile for the camera)

(promoting the park, heheh)

(Finally, after two years we came back! This is where i got my teaching diploma and degree from, after 5 1/2 long years, IPGK Gaya Sabah, it's good to be back. hehe)

(Suria Sabah, amazing decors for the Christmas season)

(Trick eye museum in One Borneo Hypermall, ignore me because i am very poor in posing)

(Love this picture, credits to my friend, Miss J, the effects are so real. actually we were just sitting on the floor) 

(Last picture before my friend and I went back to Kuching, it's a sad parting. There were still so much to be talked about but time was just so jealous of us) Yup, same shirts. hehe

(Just some pictures taken in Brunei, the road is awesome, so smooth without any pot holes) 

(on the way to the town area in order to get to the Immigration post, Jerudong)



It was a really fun trip and I must say we should go on trips like this once in a while. 

My all-time favourite Disney movie: Pocahontas

Who's still watching their favourite movies from when you're just a child? I am!
Just finished listening to every songs and the finale made me cry.
When i was still small, i think about 5 years old, i didn't really understand it. But now as an adult, this movie is a whole new thing for me, even though i have been watching it for a lot of times.
The ending was so sad and i just get emotional so easily. It's easier to cry for cartoon characters rather than in real life.

I cried my heart out. The scene was just so heart-wrenching.
As i watched this movie now, i understand it more.

There this one song that is stuck to my head, 'if i never knew you'. It's just so sad and touching. Listening to the song just makes me cry. Their love didn't came to be but like John Smith said, "I'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you".



This movie became something new to me again. A forbidden love because of different worlds. I just love this movie because i grew up with it. I feel i can connect to Pocahontas because i am also a native in my own homeland and as usual there are people who doesn't understand us. But from this movie, i know one thing for sure, and i want to hold on to it because i know it exists and it is out there somewhere: LOVE. In the end, love prevails. No matter how different we are, deep down inside we are all the same. 
Pocahontas taught me that. Who is the real savage? Take some time to ponder on this question. We always think we are better than people, smarter than people. Take some time to really think this through. Are we who we say we are?

(The right path is not always easy, but it's worth it)

(This song got me crying like what! I want this song to be a special song in my life, soon)

(The ending scene got me sobbing like mad, Pocahontas chasing after the ship and saying good-bye to him, it was just so heart-wrenching :( ) 

This year I have been revisiting old memories a lot. It showed me what i have done so far and the memories are all to be cherished and appreciated. ^-^



Friday, November 25, 2016

Humble and kind

The title of Tim McGraw's song.
I came by this song while listening to the radio one night, what hit me was the phrase "stay humble and kind". I sobbed quietly in my room. At the time i was facing a hard time, with so many things going on, i just broke down.
The song said something about no matter what you have become, successful for example, you should always stay humble and kind. And it also said about not cheating and lying, bitterness keeping you from flying.
I really felt the song.

When i finally had access to the internet in town, i searched for the song and downloaded a lyric video. The lyrics shocked me because one verse sang "Visit grandpa every chance you get, and none of it it wasted time".
Immediately i recalled my late grandpa's face, he passed away just this last June. I still miss him a lot. And like the song said, I visited him every chance i get, and none of it is wasted time. I miss him still.
Before he passed away, i had a dream about him. In the dream, he was talking to me and holding a 'peace lily' plant.
His words are still fresh in my mind.
He said that "life is short, Like this flower, it is only young once, then it wll wrinkle and die". He also showed a young shoot and an old and wrinkling plant.

Until this day, I remember his message. I guess it meant something, because i am not the type to go for adventure. I guess he wanted me to enjoy myself and be the person that i always wanted to.

The end of the old and a new chapter awaits

From my previous entry, it had been a hectic month, with so many things going on at work and I was worked to the bones, physically and mentally exhausted. 
It seems like prayers are no longer effective. 
Today is the last day of school and it's the start of the year end holidays. 
With that, I put everything to rest and I hope i can rest well this holiday. 
I will now close this horrible chapter in my life and i can't wait for the new chapter to begin. 

Slowly, as i am starting to return to the life I had with someone much much bigger than me, once again i am getting signs, telling me that I am loved, but at the same time I am asked the same question, do I love Him?

This question made me speechless. After a long and hard night of thinking things through, it was no wonder i got what i got. 
In this relationship i always expected Him to provide me with everything, but never once did i offer anything in return.
I took His love for granted. 
Silence, or so i heard, is also His way of telling me He loves  me. 
But i just can't accept it that things aren't going my way. 

The only thing i can do is try to help those who are facing things like me. 
I want to share some messages i got after i repented once again, asked for God's forgiveness and re-open God's words, how the verses spilled out of it. 
It was so amazing, the timing, the current situation i am facing, it answered my questions and challenged me to do better. 
It was a meditation that i read for the month of November, specifically on the 21st, after i felt better.
The sentences shocked me, this is the exact sentence, 
"There may have been situation in the past when you were like the widow (Luke 21:1-4), in today's Gospel. You may have found the courage to take a step of faith that brought you blessing and peace. It may be finally deciding to spend some time pondering Scripture. 
"Take my life, Jesus. I trust you that you will meet my deepest needs". 
I was so shocked and smiled to myself, luckily i was in my own room at the time. 
I guess when we open up to God, He is always ready to talk to us. 
Slowly, I am going back on track. I always take His love for granted. I guess that is why I have so many problems. I refuse to wait. I am not a very patient person. I just hope that after this experience my patience has increased. 
My hope and prayer all goes to my future now, and i will let God take the wheel from here. I guess all this while, even though i said i trust God i still doubt Him, because i have already an interest in a certain someone, but when things doesnt go as i expected, i blame Him. 
I  really hope i will wake up now. 
No matter what happens, I will trust in Him, the maker of Heaven and earth. 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Losing myself in the whirlwind of life

There should be lessons about life taught in school, of course that is not possible. The thing is, it should be because a lot of people are drowning out there. 
People are committing suicide every day and even as i am typing. It's because no one taught them how to cope up with what they are going through and no one understands them. 
Being there myself more than once, i know exactly how they feel. 
It's really difficult when you just see no roads and dead ends. 
Until this day i wondered how i managed to escape from that dreadful place.
Here's the thing: no matter what is going on in your life, the only thing is PRAY. 

Now, I am once again back in that dreadful place. i am taking a break from praying. It hurts, it really hurts when all this time none of my prayers are answered. The disappointment is just so great that even saying the word "pray" hurts because it seems like being betrayed by someone you trusted so much because He is the only one i trusted. 
I remembered someone somewhere said that 'religions are for cowards'. 
It's true because when we don't dare to do something, we would ask for His intervention, for him to help me. 
But let's face it, we are all cowards. IT's because inside us we know that there is someone greater than us. Now, i don't know what to do anymore. 
My life is at a standstill and i am still thinking of what i should do with my life now. 
At night when all is said and done, and prayer is still very painful for me, the only word i managed to mouth out before i sleep is "HELP". 

No matter how i said i dont want to pray, i guess it's part of me already. 
Now, i am taking things slowly, not wanting to hope for anything or trust in anything anymore. 
It hurts and i can't bear to get hurt anymore. 
It's a battle from within and no one will ever understand unless they go through it themselves.
So, when i hear people committing suicide, I know how they feel. The feeling of no way out, it is really difficult when you are feeling like that at the moment. All you can think is when you die everything will stop. But sadly, it doesn't. 
No matter how i want all my troubles to end, i know that taking my own life is not and never will be the answer. 
SO, i choose to stop and give up, until the whirlwind of life pass through me.
Only then, I will think about HOPE and future. 
For now, i can't see anything at all. I have no hope and no future and i certainly dont trust in any promises because they never come. 
It hurts, it really hurts. 
I don't dare to even hope for tomorrow. What I have left is today, now and this very moment. But I hope that in time to come I will see the light again.