The end of the old and a new chapter awaits

From my previous entry, it had been a hectic month, with so many things going on at work and I was worked to the bones, physically and mentally exhausted. 

It seems like prayers are no longer effective. 

Today is the last day of school and it's the start of the year end holidays. 

With that, I put everything to rest and I hope i can rest well this holiday. 

I will now close this horrible chapter in my life and i can't wait for the new chapter to begin. 

Slowly, as i am starting to return to the life I had with someone much much bigger than me, once again i am getting signs, telling me that I am loved, but at the same time I am asked the same question, do I love Him?

This question made me speechless. After a long and hard night of thinking things through, it was no wonder i got what i got. 

In this relationship i always expected Him to provide me with everything, but never once did i offer anything in return.
I took His love for granted. 

Silence, or so i heard, is also His way of telling me He loves  me. 

But i just can't accept it that things aren't going my way. 

The only thing i can do is try to help those who are facing things like me. 

I want to share some messages i got after i repented once again, asked for God's forgiveness and re-open God's words, how the verses spilled out of it. 

It was so amazing, the timing, the current situation i am facing, it answered my questions and challenged me to do better. 

It was a meditation that i read for the month of November, specifically on the 21st, after i felt better.

The sentences shocked me, this is the exact sentence, 

"There may have been situation in the past when you were like the widow (Luke 21:1-4), in today's Gospel. You may have found the courage to take a step of faith that brought you blessing and peace. It may be finally deciding to spend some time pondering Scripture. 

"Take my life, Jesus. I trust you that you will meet my deepest needs". 

I was so shocked and smiled to myself, luckily i was in my own room at the time. 

I guess when we open up to God, He is always ready to talk to us. 

Slowly, I am going back on track. I always take His love for granted. I guess that is why I have so many problems. I refuse to wait. I am not a very patient person. I just hope that after this experience my patience has increased. 

My hope and prayer all goes to my future now, and i will let God take the wheel from here. I guess all this while, even though i said i trust God i still doubt Him, because i have already an interest in a certain someone, but when things doesnt go as i expected, i blame Him. 

I  really hope i will wake up now. 

No matter what happens, I will trust in Him, the maker of Heaven and earth.