Changing Hearts

For this past few years, I've been through a lot of pain and suffering. Along the way, I picked up useful tips that had helped me survived in this world until this very day. 

1. I must be heartless

2. I must be cruel

But easier said than done. I didn't apply it to all situations, only in some desperate ones. I came up with this quotation which I really think suits myself, 

"Behind a heartless person is someone that used to care too much" 

I am the type of person that once you get to know me, I will really trust you without second thoughts and when you betray me, I really have no solution on how to heal my broken heart. Unfortunately, I have been mending my heart for the past few years, until now. 

I just learnt that all this are practices and I have to pass all of this in order for me to advance to the next level. 

I guess I should be happy when someone that ill-treated me also gets the same treatment. I mean, life is like a wheel. You can't be at the top the whole time. 

It feels good to watch from the outside but of course it's not funny when it's you. (Now then you understand how I feel when you treated me that way). 

But you know what, instead of just letting that person rot in hell, I helped the person. Stupid? Yes and no.. Yes because it's not logic to lend a helping hand after how the person treated me. No, is because I thought for awhile and prayed, hmmm... I'm no holy person but when I see someone like that, I just can't sit back and watch, though trust me that's just what I wanted to do at that moment. 

But knowing I am who I am, and the Lord is watching, I prepared myself, tried to be sincere, and help the person when everyone isolated the person. I remembered in the Bible Jesus said "Love your enemies".

When he/she is hungry or what, give them what they need, it's like a slap to their face because they are so ashamed of themselves because after all they've done to you, you still help them.

Personally, I don't think the people I help feel that way, I think they've no conscience at all, just saying.. 

Like I said, I'm not holy and I definitely dont want to become a hypocrite. So, I just wanted to be ME..

God is watching and people are watching too. I just hope and pray that my actions do not shame the Lord, instead it will glorify His mighty name. 

I then saw a quotation which was the opposite to my OWN quotation, i guess it's a sign telling me that I should not become a heartless person. I'm not quite sure about this but I'll try to apply it to certain special occasions ONLY.... 

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place"