That's life

Sometimes in life, there comes a point when you say to yourself, "Just give up".
It seems like nothing you do ever seems right, everything around you seems bleak and hopeless.
No one cares what happens to you, unless you're in their way.
Time doesn't wait for anyone, it goes on and on and if you can't catch up, you'll be left behind.
In my heart, I keep waiting for that something, which I myself do not what is it actually that I am waiting for.
A ray of sunshine, perhaps, to warm this cold dark heart of mine, but nothing good ever seems to come in my way..
All I get are obstacles, storms, things that demotivate and crushes my spirit. I don't want to give up but I can't see things in the positive way anymore.
Well, the only thing i can do now is relax and wait before I asssume my journey.
I'm tired in all ways, name it, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and just about every other things.
So many things have been going on inside my mind lately and I'm beginning to question myself whether or not I'm losing it. I hope not of course. I guess "stress" is normal nowadays.
I just don't know where to go now..

No one will ever know how you feel because they are not you. The word "empathetic" is just a word.
We all know most of the times WORDS can't even express how we are feeling.

At times like this, I try to stop myself, go to a quiet place (if i can), and just think and reflect, where did I go wrong. Why is everyone doing what they're doing? And also, search for Him.. I have to admit, it's hard, because most of the time, He's quiet.

I was never a normal person to begin with. Well, of course it depends on how you define 'normal'. I don't like things that normal people like, I used to have lots of friends, but after all that had happened, I feel safer to be alone. And, I don't talk much, unless it's something I like. And I seldom smile, which brings people to think of me as a snob and other things, as if I care.

But well, LIFE's like that. It's like a roller coaster, i guess now I'm at the bottom. Can't say I blame anyone, I'm just too sensitive..
Hoping for a better tomorrow..God bless~~

Happy fasting

Today Muslims are starting to fast. I decided to give it a try and this is my first day.

Woke up 4am to eat, cooked rice the day before and ate it with sardines and drank plain water. After that I went back to bed. The whole day I didn't eat anything. It wasn't something new because most of the time I don't eat much. Only in the afternoon. Time passed by quickly and I'm lucky because there wasn't much to do in class today.

I waited till 'buka puasa" which is around 6:30pm. It really was a good experience and tomorrow I'll be continuing it again.

(Happy fasting to all my Muslim friends) :-) 

The boy who cried wolf

I really love this story because it taught me a lot of things.

First, don't lie if you want others to believe in you..

Second, fooling people is not a good thing to do..

Third, at the end you will receive the consequences..


I thought everyone should know this, i mean, if you want to be a criminal, be a smart one, don't leave any prints or whatever. However, no matter we do, we can't hide it from that one person that knows everything, the one person that, to the extent where He knows what we are about to do even before we could think of it.

Let me tell you a short story, which is a true story and from here i really hope that everyone will be careful for what you are doing, think carefully before you make a fool of yourself, like the Boy who cried wolf.

There was once this guy, let's call him Zee. Zee is a nice person to begin with. But as days went by, he seldom attended class and would say he came up with something, flu, fever, broken limb, you name it! At first, everyone believed in him, me included. But then matters got worse, he started to come to class as he please and when there were class events or occasions, he would declare himself not fit to join in. Well, as you all know, his actions prolong and in the end, no one trusted him anymore.

Please don't tell me that someone is so damn lucky to be sick on such selected days. Maybe sometimes but ALL the time?? Something smells fishy here. Zee was also a clever person. For being absent always, you must present a solid reason, and with that I didn't know how he came up with MC's just to get him off the hook, and of course they were all bought. I wonder who's the doctor? No offense intended.

Just now, all hell broke loose. I'm a coward, i only say things in my heart but not out loud. I don't want to get into trouble. But i understand the feeling of the person totally. I've been working together with Zee for a long time and I really understand how he's like and so on. That's why I don't know whether i should follow my heart and trust that he might be doing all these for a reason or my brain and declare myself stupid for trusting a person that has broken his promises that he made so many times. When i'm mad, i will follow my brain. but the heart is soft, and thinking of "What if"-s ...

Well, that's the story about Zee.. I feel sad and disappointed. I thought he would change, because he DID show some signs of changing, for the better, but then now, all of that just seemed to evaporate...

We all know that only God can judge, so help us all Lord. Show us the way~~

What happened to "us"?

God was sure correct when He said that people change. Hence, it's good knowing that the Lord doesn't change and when He said that He loves us, He really means it and that fact will never change even if we change and abandon Him. He will always be at that same place that we abandoned Him in order to pursue earth's pleasure.
Good news is, He will wait for us, because like I said, we just keep on changing, God only knows us too well. However, we will stop changing if we decide to give our life to the Lord. Because only HE can satisfy our soul... Not human, not our pets, not worldly materials, but Only HIM..

How sad it is when it comes to us, humans. Things changed too fast. I just don't know what went wrong. Perhaps it was me or other factors. My experience taught me that human emotions are never stable. That's why I don't believe in promises, because from what I've been through, none of that is valid after some time. They will either deny it or say we heard it wrongly.

We've been together for quite a long time now. There's this saying which goes like this,:
Distance makes the heart grows fonder
But I guess it doesn't apply to everyone.

It's sad but that's reality. Now each of us has our own commitment (our own interest, career) and we just don't bother about others like we use to anymore. I really can't believe all of this is happening. I feel like crying and my heart is bleeding. I remember a long time ago, when we carried out something, everyone will comply and cooperate but now???

OH NO!! If this thing doesn't benefit me, why should I follow? I don't agree, bla bla bla, and the argument won't stop and at the end of the day, no decision is being made.

( I could say that we were once friends that always hung out together, go to church together, go for movies and other things, but things were different back then, back where we ddin't care much about worldly possessions, etc) 

Highlight of IPGK Gaya's Golden Jubilee

Today is the last day of the celebration and it was great! There wasn't much business for the stalls but at least we did get some profit, thanks to the first day. It was a great experience for me as i have never sell anything before. I even made "pisang goreng" and it was sold out in less than an hour.

Yesterday was the highlight of the Golden Jubilee. We had a concert and it was fantastic! It really was a memorable night and I could say we really had a good time.

(waiting for the concert to start, got front seat to take pictures)

(First performance by "Oh no it's Monday", a band formed by PISMP PJ Semester 8, my seniors, they were great!!)

(Cultural performance - Love their costumes)

(Cultural performance)

(Singing performed by my lecturer, Mr Ravi, and the background dancers? My coursemates!!!! So proud of them , they only knew that they had to do the performance like, 2 days before the actual day? WOW!!) 

(really love their costumes and their dance were so lovely..) 

(Another performance by my lecturer, Mr Gerard, and the dancers were also from my class, ^-^) 

(This was the end of the show where all the performers came to the stage and sing the song "Sayang Kinabalu" ) 

Blessings during hardship

I believe many people in the world face hardship everyday. We cannot escape it nor can we ignore it because it's reality. However, after we have gone through hardship, we failed to see the blessings that God bestowed on us.
There are many, I won't hesitate to admit that I myself failed to see the blessings. Only after awhile when I decided to just sit down and reflect on my life did I realise that I have received a lot of blessings.
Maybe some may not think of it as blessings but then again, it's how you perceive things.
One of the things I've realised that through each and every hardships, I have learnt to become stronger, depend more on God and less on myself and I could also truly see people for who they really are: their true nature and their colours.
Being on my own has also taught me alot, despite people saying I'm an anti-social whatever, I feel I have more time to be with Him, to reflect on His words and apply it in my life.
Finding inner peace is not an easy task but I could say I'm on my way there. I no longer care what others think about it (sometimes maybe), because as long I don't do anything the Lord considers wrong, it's enough.

So far, I haven't found friends I could really share my faith and secrets with, but there is one, my eternal friend, and that is Jesus. In this world, you can't really depend on others because you'll mostly end up getting hurt over and over again. I never learnt my lesson because I was always hoping people would change for the better, but I was so wrong. I am the person that should change, not them.

No man is an island, so thank God because I still have a number of friends for me to talk to. For now, that's what that matters.

IPGK Gaya Golden Jubilee Celebration

Today marks the 50th year of Gaya college. It was built in 1963 and if not mistaken is the oldest college in Sabah. I guess I could say I'm proud to be a Gaya student, except for the fact that the buildings are crumbling down and the hostel facilities? not cool. anyway, I'm proud of Gaya.

The event was officiated by the Assistant Rector. I was called to become an usherer. Well, I was nervous because there were so many unknown people. But thanks to my friends, everything went well. 

The hall was decorated beautifully but unfortunately I didn't get a chance to take pictures inside the hall. I could only take pictures from the outside. The flowers were so pretty that I really wanted to take some of the lovely pink and red roses. 

There will be ongoing events starting today, which is 4th July 2013 until 6th July 2013. After being an usherer, I was free so I decided to go down and take a quick visit at the stalls available. The place was lively and cheerful with colourful flags hanging everywhere and also there were exhibitions being held by students and also lecturers. I was too embarrassed to enter the places to take pictures so mostly I only took pictures of food stalls. :)