How I wish

It's the school holidays now, a.k.a also my holidays too... :) The worst gift you can receive is getting sick. And that was what I got when I first arrived back home from KK. Urgh~ Don't know what went into me. Thank goodness I wasn't sick during the exams. Anyways, I had to spend the following Saturday lying in bed almost the whole day. On Sunday I was feeling much better but still not strong enough to bath, my mom's philosophy, or else my lungs will be filled with water. I don't know, it differs according to different people, because when my friend had a fever, she would immediately go and take a bath. Oh well, thank God I am healed already.
Hence, my holidays is officially beginning. Actually I didn't plan to do anything fun this holiday because I just had no time to think about other stuffs thanks to the exams.
However, I did managed to knit a pair of socks for my mom and she really likes them. SO it motivated me to knit again. Now I'm knitting a set of hand warmers. And all of a sudden, this thinking just came to me. A promise that I made to my mom long ago, that when i started working I would bring her to the place of her dreams, Switzerland.
I could now imagine the blue and green mountains and the cold and crisp air. Hmm~~~ If it's God's will I would really like to go there with my mom. Of course, dragging myself back to the present, I need to study hard, next year I'll be finally graduating after 5 1/2 years of training. Really learnt a lot during those years and I really appreciated all the trials and tribulations that had landed on me because I really learnt to love and appreciate people and things around me.
I guess I learnt that we should not take things for granted because it is only when it's gone we will regret it and as always, it's already too late.

Planning for this holidays:

MOVIE TIME!!!

My sisters were like crazy because there this movie that they would really love to watch and that is "Epic". And another one would be "Fast and Furious 6". I heard a lot of positive comments about it and I'm like, "GOSH! Can't wait to watch it soon!" 

KNITTING TIME

Well, since I'm knitting a set of hand warmers, I guess I want to knit some more socks and also winter hats. Yeah, I was never the same as normal girls my age, and so I also have hobbies that most people would consider as 'boring' and comments like, "Man, you're like an old lady". Well, I've received that kind of comments before, but Hye, "It's their rights and their mouths to say whatever they want to". SO besides, I like and enjoy what I'm doing so nothing can stop me. What's important is that my family supports what I'm doing and I can still manage my time well, (remember I said I knitted socks during exam week? It's a really good thing to ease the tension you know, hehe)

How I wish~.~

Well, this is the main topic of the day. Sometimes, I really wish I could be some place alone, where there's no one and I can speak my mind confidently to God without worrying people might call me crazy. And also I would REALLY LOVE to get some peace once in a while. If only I have enough money to begin with, I can barely survive with my allowances, thank God for my parents. Here are some pictures of which I would really like to be whenever I'm stressed and weary. I guess the scenery itself is more than enough to life one's spirit's up, look at the scenery you could really imagine you are physically there.. I hope I could actually go to all these places some day soon..

Just looking at the pictures make me want to cry for no reason. It's simply too beautiful. Look at God's wonderful handiwork... :-) 

God Bless and take care~ ~

Away Semester 5

Finally, just finished my last paper for this semester yesterday, I did my best and so the rest is up to Him..
These few weeks have been just rough. Studying have never been more hard because of the practicum we only focused on school and after two weeks it was the exam. Luckily we only had 3 papers, study and pray that time will fly, everything was over and I feel so relax now. I'm almost done with packing to go back home. Feeling lonely at the same time because both of my roommates have already went back.
Now it's only me and my lappy.. :) Let's have a good time together shall we?

Speaking of practicum, I really had a great time, minus all the hard work and stress the kids caused. But it was all worth it because at the end of the day, I realised that "Yeah", perhaps teaching is for me. We never know what God has in mind for us.

(These are my boys, Yup, taught in boy's school,imagine the stress level = ='', plus they are just Year 2)

But all went well, it's all for the experience and from this one, I really and i mean REALLY learn a lot of new techniques on how to control the classroom, but of course still not perfect and believe me, throughout that ne month I've tried almost ALL the theories I've learnt, turned out none of them really worked, hmm.. so much for creating theories, only sounds good on pape, but not in real life though.

Well, got to go now.. God bless~~

Standing Strong

Stinking day

Everyday looks the same to me, except today i don't know why i think that i just got up at the wrong side of the bed. I have this sensitive nerves and all that and i hate surprises. I still find it hard to adapt to the current surrounding. Now the weather is so hot i don't need t go outside to get dark. 

Today was a weird day for me. I guess it was because i couldn't sleep well last night. For the past few weeks, after i decided that i didn't want to think too much and just sleep, i stopped sleeping!!!!

I don't know why but my mind is so weird. I dreamt of a lot of weird things and even some dreams made me wake up feeling resentment and anger. I tried to curb this but i guess today was the boiling point. I admit i was extra sensitive today. Well, i don't give a damn of what happens as long as you don't disturb me. Besides that i tend to think a lot, and i mean a lot. 

SO i began with negativity. Urgh, i wished i would stop thinking that way but i can't. So, i had this cold war, which i don't know who started it first with someone. Seriously i find this situation damn irritating. I can't stand it but then i decided to calm down and let my emotions cool down, because i have no reason to feel anger or resentment( though at the current moment i am). 

The reason for this entry "Standing Strong" is because just now i read back my previous entries and found out i have went through this problem before, so i should be getting used to it by now. I hate pretending but i finally realised that people don't like me because words i say tend to hurt their so-called ego nature. Well, i don't lie and they deserve to know the truth, NOT the fabricated truth. 

Hence, today sucks. I really hope that the Lord will grant me some peace as i sleep tonight. I don't want to go to bed angry and having this ill feeling. I'd better go now as i have a group discussion. God Bless~~

After a HARD DAY

After being so disappointed, i decided to treat myself to some luxurious treats to cure my broken heart. I don't care what others think but i have my feelings to care about. So, i ordered Pizza Hut and shared it with my roommate. I guess after eating now i feel much better .. Be happy people. This is all part of the Lord's test to see how strong we are in Him, I didn't get good results but i hope there will be a lot of other chances in the near future.. 

Feeble February

Feeling extremely down

Oh well, for the beginning of February, this isn't a great start to begin with. There had been such chaos of feelings and personal thoughts, including myself in class today.

I hate feeling this way but one thing for sure is that I don't believe a thing that person has to say. People nowadays are often not truthful, even to themselves, either they are confused with themselves or they are just too self-denial. For me, you should be aware of what you are talking, what you promise others. So that you will not go back on your own words, in my way of speaking, eating back your own vomit. 

Oh well, in my case, that person did. But without realising it because i guess he's just too full of himself. 

Anyway, due to this situation my day was splashed with eternal darkness. I don't know what to hope for anymore. i don't want to judge, so i hope no one will judge me. I speak of my own free will, i totally disagree with the way I was being insulted. I remembered that person saying of not practising favouritism. Oh, how i hope i could smash him. But my mind just won't allow that to happen. Weird, all i could think about at that time was this:

"Different people have different abilities"

After that, whatever that f**l said meant nothing to me because all i could think about was things that i'm good at. I admit i don't have good presenting skills, i suck at talking to the public but somehow or rather if if God's will for me then i have nothing to be afraid of because in time to come things that i never expected would happen and who knows what the future holds? All i can say now is that 

It doesn't means that if you can't do something you are a failure

Never let evil people poison your mind with their evil thoughts and opinions. Say this instead, "I am unique in my own way and the LORD has already planned my future carefully for me, so why should I be afraid of words that can only harm me temporarily, compared to GOD who could destroy the body and soul when it's thrown to hell where the fire never goes out?"

We should stay strong no matter what happens. My mission this February is to apply what I've learnt all this while into practice.  

Hence, i guess i failed my first mission today, in letting my emotions get the better of me. 

Thoughtful Thursday

"To serve, not to be served"

This was what the Lord Jesus said to His disciples. I often wonder how I could go down to that level. I've tried but often met with failure, due to my ego. But as time passes, I guess that little by little i'm trying to improve. 

Every night i do my devotional without fail. But today, or the last few days, i kept on reflecting to myself. After all this, is my life more meaningful? i mean, i kept thinking of this phrase, "we should not just read and understand, but we should put it into actions".

I reflected my life, well starting this year, last year.... i don't know, i can't really see my own changes, i need opinions from people on the outside, people around me. 

I want to lead a good life, to not have enemies, not to hate people without reasons. 

But it appears that i still face a few or many problems, with people, of course, and also in the Lord's words. After each reading, i feel my sins accumulating. I feel so ashamed of myself. But i want to improve on it. It seems to me that every year i come to know the Lord even better. For example, like last year, i still get tantrums and also show the ugly side of me, of wanting to get what i want. But this year i feel i shouldn't let my emotions take control over me. I can't say for sure i'm following, it takes those around me to see whether i've REALLY changed or not. 

Starting this year, from what i could see for myself in terms of emotions, i didn't get moody so fast. When i do, i will try to push that feeling away, i don't want to create a problem out of nothing. 

But i still dislike people, i don't know, if i don't meet them i won't even think of them, but when i do see them, that feeling of dislike just appear. 

I remember Jesus mentioned before an example where He compared his followers to pagans, whereby we, as his followers should love our neighbours and ALSO OUR ENEMIES. Because what's the difference between us and the unbelievers if we only love our neighbours and HATE our enemies? Isn't that equivalent to them(the unbelievers)???

I read and understood, but to apply it in real life, real situation, real people, people who have hurt me before, people who have insulted and looked down on me, IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS IT SEEMS. 

That's where the problem lies. I love and thirst for God's words, but then, in terms of applying it, i still find it difficult, does it mean i fail as a Christian? Just thinking of it makes me devastated. 

But i refuse to give up, with God's help, if He says that i can forgive and love my enemies, then i can do it.

For the Bible also mentioned that,
"It is easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven, but if we believe in God, everything is possible, because He said that to Him, nothing is impossible."

WE must have faith in Him. If we want to become the person He wants us to be, then we should let go of all prejudices and our egoistic behaviour and let the Lord guide us through our ife's journey. 

I'm human, and because of this, i will never give up trying until the day come when i could finally love those who have hurt me. In my heart, i want to forgive them as the Father has forgiven me for my sins. 

SO far i'm trying to determine how strong my faith in Him is, i don't deny the fact that sometimes i still feel like He has abandon me, but then through the scriptures, the Lord has promised that He will not leave nor forsake us. 

Lord, i pray not only to understand Your word, but this time I am ready to practise it in my life. Therefore i truthfully pray that You will guide me, help me make the correct decisions so that it will glorify Your name. Even though i don't like that decision, help me to understand that it must be done and help me to accept Your will gracefully and in the time to come i will be able to accept willingly and not because i'm being forced to Lord. 

My weird dream yet

Today was just tiring as usual. Come to think of it, though it was just sitting in the class for 5 hours, i felt like it was eternity. Anyway, i guess my attention span is getting shorter, i tend to go on a day dreaming trip or just stare at space blankly. That's why when it comes to questioning time i would be so silent because either i have no idea what's going on or i think i'm listening but then i'm afraid that my answer would be wrong.

Anyway, about this dream i had, it was just downright WEIRD!!!!

I don't know, but here it goes....

I was in a car with someone beside me, i only know he's a guy and that he's driving and i was sitting beside him. I could feel this affection towards him. It's like i like him and care for him so much. Well, we were going somewhere. The road was so familiar, in fact too familiar. It was actually the way back to my home!!
Suddenly, the road became very hilly( not like my road home at all). Then it was covered with mist.

(well, it looked something like this picture, though not exactly because the weather was bright and sunny)

I had this bad feeling, like when you can't see anything and you're afraid that you might fall into something. So, the guy continued to go, i think i asked him to slow down as we went downhill. Along the way, the second weirdest thing happened. I was looking at the clouds and suddenly, the sky was like going through a procession. The weather was fine, but then again that bad feeling came back...

(Yup, that was exactly what i saw, the funny thing is, i never really saw it anywhere at all, so how is it possible that i dreamt of it?)

(The sky colour was orange but a bit brighter than this picture)

One of the clouds resembled a tornado, and it was horrifying!! I checked out the net and it was real!!! I really didn't like the looks of it. Another cloud formation i saw was one that resembled a flower with X's for its eyes, when it noticed someone looking, it turned its direction towards me. I was so shocked, the flower looked so creepy. It was really a weird dream. Of course, i woke up immediately. I can't bear to continue
my troubled sleep.

Interpretation by my friend:

She said the person in the car might be my soulmate. The sudden mist on the road symbolises the hardship and obstacles that we both are going to face in the future. Same goes with the hilly road. But in the end, we still reached our destination, meaning that no matter what happens, through thick and thin, we will face issues and challenges together. 

But what about the scary looking clouds?

She didn't mention about that but she did say that the cloud that resembled a flower reminded her of "teletubbies", meaning to say i was thinking too much (  I drew the picture for her). 

Conclusion

I hope this is just another funny dream... Well, that's all for today. Night and God bless~~ :)