Thoughtful Thursday

"To serve, not to be served"

This was what the Lord Jesus said to His disciples. I often wonder how I could go down to that level. I've tried but often met with failure, due to my ego. But as time passes, I guess that little by little i'm trying to improve. 

Every night i do my devotional without fail. But today, or the last few days, i kept on reflecting to myself. After all this, is my life more meaningful? i mean, i kept thinking of this phrase, "we should not just read and understand, but we should put it into actions".

I reflected my life, well starting this year, last year.... i don't know, i can't really see my own changes, i need opinions from people on the outside, people around me. 

I want to lead a good life, to not have enemies, not to hate people without reasons. 

But it appears that i still face a few or many problems, with people, of course, and also in the Lord's words. After each reading, i feel my sins accumulating. I feel so ashamed of myself. But i want to improve on it. It seems to me that every year i come to know the Lord even better. For example, like last year, i still get tantrums and also show the ugly side of me, of wanting to get what i want. But this year i feel i shouldn't let my emotions take control over me. I can't say for sure i'm following, it takes those around me to see whether i've REALLY changed or not. 

Starting this year, from what i could see for myself in terms of emotions, i didn't get moody so fast. When i do, i will try to push that feeling away, i don't want to create a problem out of nothing. 

But i still dislike people, i don't know, if i don't meet them i won't even think of them, but when i do see them, that feeling of dislike just appear. 

I remember Jesus mentioned before an example where He compared his followers to pagans, whereby we, as his followers should love our neighbours and ALSO OUR ENEMIES. Because what's the difference between us and the unbelievers if we only love our neighbours and HATE our enemies? Isn't that equivalent to them(the unbelievers)???

I read and understood, but to apply it in real life, real situation, real people, people who have hurt me before, people who have insulted and looked down on me, IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS IT SEEMS. 

That's where the problem lies. I love and thirst for God's words, but then, in terms of applying it, i still find it difficult, does it mean i fail as a Christian? Just thinking of it makes me devastated. 

But i refuse to give up, with God's help, if He says that i can forgive and love my enemies, then i can do it.

For the Bible also mentioned that,
"It is easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven, but if we believe in God, everything is possible, because He said that to Him, nothing is impossible."

WE must have faith in Him. If we want to become the person He wants us to be, then we should let go of all prejudices and our egoistic behaviour and let the Lord guide us through our ife's journey. 

I'm human, and because of this, i will never give up trying until the day come when i could finally love those who have hurt me. In my heart, i want to forgive them as the Father has forgiven me for my sins. 

SO far i'm trying to determine how strong my faith in Him is, i don't deny the fact that sometimes i still feel like He has abandon me, but then through the scriptures, the Lord has promised that He will not leave nor forsake us. 

Lord, i pray not only to understand Your word, but this time I am ready to practise it in my life. Therefore i truthfully pray that You will guide me, help me make the correct decisions so that it will glorify Your name. Even though i don't like that decision, help me to understand that it must be done and help me to accept Your will gracefully and in the time to come i will be able to accept willingly and not because i'm being forced to Lord. 

My weird dream yet

Today was just tiring as usual. Come to think of it, though it was just sitting in the class for 5 hours, i felt like it was eternity. Anyway, i guess my attention span is getting shorter, i tend to go on a day dreaming trip or just stare at space blankly. That's why when it comes to questioning time i would be so silent because either i have no idea what's going on or i think i'm listening but then i'm afraid that my answer would be wrong.

Anyway, about this dream i had, it was just downright WEIRD!!!!

I don't know, but here it goes....

I was in a car with someone beside me, i only know he's a guy and that he's driving and i was sitting beside him. I could feel this affection towards him. It's like i like him and care for him so much. Well, we were going somewhere. The road was so familiar, in fact too familiar. It was actually the way back to my home!!
Suddenly, the road became very hilly( not like my road home at all). Then it was covered with mist.

(well, it looked something like this picture, though not exactly because the weather was bright and sunny)

I had this bad feeling, like when you can't see anything and you're afraid that you might fall into something. So, the guy continued to go, i think i asked him to slow down as we went downhill. Along the way, the second weirdest thing happened. I was looking at the clouds and suddenly, the sky was like going through a procession. The weather was fine, but then again that bad feeling came back...

(Yup, that was exactly what i saw, the funny thing is, i never really saw it anywhere at all, so how is it possible that i dreamt of it?)

(The sky colour was orange but a bit brighter than this picture)

One of the clouds resembled a tornado, and it was horrifying!! I checked out the net and it was real!!! I really didn't like the looks of it. Another cloud formation i saw was one that resembled a flower with X's for its eyes, when it noticed someone looking, it turned its direction towards me. I was so shocked, the flower looked so creepy. It was really a weird dream. Of course, i woke up immediately. I can't bear to continue
my troubled sleep.

Interpretation by my friend:

She said the person in the car might be my soulmate. The sudden mist on the road symbolises the hardship and obstacles that we both are going to face in the future. Same goes with the hilly road. But in the end, we still reached our destination, meaning that no matter what happens, through thick and thin, we will face issues and challenges together. 

But what about the scary looking clouds?

She didn't mention about that but she did say that the cloud that resembled a flower reminded her of "teletubbies", meaning to say i was thinking too much (  I drew the picture for her). 

Conclusion

I hope this is just another funny dream... Well, that's all for today. Night and God bless~~ :)

Great day

I began my day by waking up early because i needed to do my laundry. So, at 6am sharp i woke up and rushed down to where the washing machine was because I wanted to be the first person if not there will be a lot of people queuing up and i had to wait for a long time.
Luckily, i was the first person, so everything went well, after drying up everything, i went back to sleep!! :D
I was so tired, i don't know why because i slept early, i guess it was the accumulated tiredness i gained throughout the whole week. Anyway, i got up 9 plus, ate breakfast and started to finish up work that needed to be done. Late i had a shower and i decided to relax for a while and watched the mandarin drama. It's getting more and more complicated.

After that, i decided to just learn something about my subject for this semester. I only read a little bit and wrote down some notes, i guess i'm not the type to do early revision because all i do is write and nothing really goes into my mind.

Later, i decided to read a book  "Hearing God" that i borrowed from my lecturer, it's really a nice book and i'm still to finish reading it because i'm getting so busy nowadays and i don't even have time to read or to do my own hobbies. Huh~~~

Since I'm going for sunset mass, i started to search for the reading that would be used for today because last week something happened. We were scolded and asked if we were prepared before coming to church, meaning to say whether we have read the readings before hand or we just come empty handed. I was so ashamed, because i never read before-hand. This time i hope that i would be more prepared and also not just listen but also do my best to understand the word of God and apply it to my life. I don't want to listen just for the sake of listening, but of course sometimes my mind is so full with other things that i couldn't really concentrate. Anyway, I pray that the Lord can answer my prayer.

Just wanted to show my newly renovated study table.. hahaha...

New year new look because it's been a year since i've changed the cover of my table, it was too dusty and i can't stand looking at it. Now, i love looking at it and also doing my studies became more comfortable, because it felt much cleaner. Well, i hope that my life will be more organised this year. I'd better get going now. Happy weekend and God bless~~ ^-^

My focus this year

Hi again! Actually i wanted to sleep but i feel like i needed to do this entry. It's about what i want to focus on this year. Of course, there are a lot of things which i need to focus on, but this year i feel especially sure of the one thing that i want to focus on.

My Faith.

Yup, i want to renew and strengthen my relationship with the Lord. Because i have experienced a lot last year, His presence was so great, He showed me the way to do things right, He protected me when i needed Him the most, when no one could be with me. He heard all my complains when i'm weary and He gave me rest when i was too tired to do anything, and most of all, He blessed me in my exams, and practically everything. I could go on forever on what the Lord had done in my life. But most of all, i also experience this roller coaster ride where sometimes i feel He's here and sometimes He's like, gone. I want to know more about the Lord who had sacrificed His own son for us sinners. Hence, this year i began going to Bible study classes, and also i increased the time of my devotion, unless when it's too late, but i will not miss reading the Good word of the Lord. My life changed drastically after i accepted the way that the Lord wanted me to live. I'm not perfect, but now my aim is to slowly obtain and ask the Lord for the fruits of the Spirit. 

This year I'm going for my teaching practice where i will be teaching in a school for one month. I'm so nervous but if the Lord says that, Nothing is impossible, then i just have to trust Him on this. So far, the lecturers are doing an excellent job in getting us ready for teaching. There are so many things to absorb at one go. Hence, i'm so great that it's Friday, so i'm going to kick the sack soon. I didn't even have my afternoon sleep thanks to some meeting that i had to attend just now. In the end, i went to the park with my friend to refresh my tired mind and soul. 

Love

What is love really? i guess in the end i still don't know much about it. If there is love, then why must we hurt each other? The Lord had said that the most important commandment of all is to love your neighbour and yourselves. I guess in this world, there are not many left who could love, they only care about themselves and they don't bother about others. They just want to be successful in life and they don't mind destroying other people if that's what it takes for them to succeed. I've met a lot of people of that kind. I would certainly like to meet the person that could love God more than himself. Speaking of which, i was just thinking about the special person i would be meeting once the timing is right. I want a man who is matured but then at times or could make my laugh and make me feel appreciated. Also, he must be keen in reading the word of God, not just for the sake of reading but with understanding and love God more than me, with that we could both serve the Lord with Love. Other small but important things including allowing me to do things i like, like my own hobbies and we would share some common interest so that we would not bore each other out so fast. Sorry for getting carried away, well, this year i just want to focus on the Lord, who knows the Lord's timing? i can only pray and wait patiently. I guess I'd better go now. Bye good night and God bless~~~

Have you ever felt this way?

 Sometimes i really feel so down and blue. It just happens, i also don't know why and how it happens. There was one day, a Wednesday, there was this sports meeting, so as a senior, we were told that our job was to facilitate the juniors. So i went down, but there was no one with me. And i felt so lost in the vast sea of people whom i don't even recognise! I entered the room and everyone looked as if they have just seen an alien, i really hate that feeling, that's why i don't like congested areas and people whom i don't know. Suddenly my friends arrived and immediately i jumped out of the scary room and joined them. Wasn't i relieved to be out in the open, and i was thinking to myself, what the heck was i doing in there, sitting in the first place anyway? So, feeling much better, i stood outside as the others conducted the meeting. After staying there for a while, i went back with my other friends. 

What i wanted to say here is that sometimes in living our Christian life, we will be faced with problems like this. But then, if you try to change your mind set, like i tried to when i was in the scary room(afraid it wasn't much of a success), and think of it as a challenge you must face. This is because later in life, by hook or by crook you MUST face the things you see as problems in your life, if not you will not be able to move on because that fear will always be with you no matter where you go and what you do. 

The Lord never intended for us to go through all this suffering, but He did promised us one thing, that He will never leave us alone. Hence in this  new year, let us reflect on how the Lord has helped us in facing our problems in the past year(2012). With that acknowledgment, we can be braver and face the problems and challenges we are facing or about to face this year. 

On the other hand, being alone is also a good thing because we also need to have time to do our own things, sort our thinking, and be a better person. 

Most of the time, i love spending time on my own, i can say that i'm actually an introvert person. But i don't really care about it because that's what i am. Lately, i've been attending Bible Studies class, at first the whole situation was awkward! I was so shy that i couldn't even look at people, i had my head looking downwards until my neck hurts but i didn't care, i thought that i wanted to stop going altogether. But the Lord has His own ways. After that one session, my thirst to know more grew more and more. And just today i attended the class and it's the 3rd time already, i go there for a reason, to know more about God's word. With the end of every lesson, i learnt so much and i really want to learn more. At night before i sleep, i still do my devotion but an addition to it is that i will also read the Bible, old and new testament. I will try to interpret what it means and how i can apply them to my daily life. 

There are so many things that i need to learn so i must be strong and not be afraid of being alone because physically i might be, but Spiritually, the Lord and my guardian angel is always there with me. So, I AM NOT ALONE!!

Bye now, i hope to have more time to update on my spiritual journey.. :) God bless~~

Happy New Year 2013

Hi all, i want to wish you all a very happy new year, hope it's not too late..
Anyway, i got back safely to my campus and officially started my 3rd year of degree, now it's the second week and almost ending.
So far, the stress is slowly easing in with all the assignments coming in, i pray i can handle it with wisdom and patience.
I changed my seat this year so i hope that everything will improve this year too, not that the seating place really matter anyway. I just wanted a change of scene.
My new year resolution is to be a better person that trusts in the Lord in all i do.
Currently, i'm addicted to Mandarin dramas, no longer korean dramas. I found them very interesting and funny, now i'm watching two dramas in sequence, the first one, 离婚前规则 (rules before a divorce) and also 真爱找麻烦(true love looking for trouble), they are both really good dramas, i watched them for a reason, i want to know more about LOVE, and also learn from their mistakes, it's like very motivational for me.
Here are the pictures, i really love the characters in the dramas..

(This drama has a total of 84 episodes, currently i'm still downloading it, it's so difficult to find the completed drama in stores.. the soundtracks of this drama is very nice too, I really love all the songs, it's very meaningful and pleasing to the ears)

Well, i've got to go now, will write soon... BB

End the year 2012 Holidays Part 4

I wanted to post about Part 3, but due to my laziness, oh well... Part 4 is about what i did during December. Time sure flies very fast.. During December, I baked a lot, and also did a new knitting project which i never tried before and never thought i could succeed either, but the Lord is great because i made with for a purpose. :) Well, pictures speak a thousand words, here goes nothing...

 (This tree was given by my late grandma, imagine how old it is, missing her.. When i was small, it looked so huge, but now... hehhe..)

 (Muffin time!!! MY first time making muffins, came out alright, nice..)

 (I love the muffin's batter, it was so smooth and creamy)

 (The end product, MUFFINS!!! Love baking at home, feeling like a good housewife.. just kidding, DIG IN)

 (As i mentioned, my very first attempt to knit a sock, i was like hesitating for more than two years, didn't know what got into me one day, i just decided i must do it, for my grandpa... I love him so very much and i wanted to make something for him with my own hand, after all, i got this gift of knitting from him)

 (This was the beginning part, sorry because the pictures are jumbled up.. At this stage, i was near tears and on the verge to give up because i really don't know what i was doing, twisting here and there, and using Double Pointed Needles may SOUND COOL, but it's still quite difficult, especially if you get mixed up as in whether you have finished one round or not, urgh.. :) )

 (My FIRST attempt to make a cheese cake, all because my youngest sister nagged me until i couldn't stand it anymore, Yeah, i know it looks horrible, but then its yummy!!! Very cheesy and the cake is soft and nicer after being refrigerated.. Oh, The middle part had to be cut out because it was so black and some part wasn't baked enough, hence the hole in the middle)

 (Started the project on the 22/12/12, Finished it on Christmas Eve, just in time, looking good so far, but if you look close enough, there will be holes here and there, missed stitches .. hahahah)

(This is the finished sock, only one side, and starting to make the other side of the sock, starting to get the hang of it, though, fun but then tiring to the hand.. )

I guess, this is the final part of my holidays for 2012, it was altogether a great holiday and i really appreciated the time spent with my family, though i cannot meet up with old friends, being at home was the best thing i could ever wish for. I hope that there will be more good memories to come, now i need to concentrate on the New Year, and be strong and brave and put all my trust in the Lord. Amen.. 

See you soon and thanks for viewing....