Waking up to reality

Well, well, well ...

This is the real world, girl. who told you life would go easy on you? That was what i felt when everything in my life came crumbling down. I just wasn't prepared for  any of this. Then i thought, maybe she could help me. As i said, this is not fairy world. Because of this i even lost my mood to study. (Will continue tonight). Sighing and crying have been my only company. Following what's right isn't the easiest and straightest road to take. You will be faced with a lot of disappointment and shock beyond your imagination. But despite all that happens, it's good to know that you have a reason to keep standing back up despite how LIFE treated you. It's because you've got Him to turn to. I'm sorry but this isn't going to turn out good. But it's the fact of life, when you are desperate and drowning, of course you would expect someone to help you, someone close. But, remember this, this is reality. Even those close to you will ditch you when they hear about your troubles. WHO would want to get involved with someone problematic? this might ruin their OWN lives. Yea, we are all human, i'm not perfect. But did i deserve this treatment? my answer is NO. NO ONE deserves to be treated this cruelly. You are already drowning, and they just look from afar and do nothing. I remembered our Lord. His disciples denied knowing Him when he was being captured. And one person even betrayed Him!! Imagine your FRIEND, close friend, betraying you for something he deems more valuable than you? what could be more valuable than a true and sincere friendship? But luckily i know i have somewhere to turn to even when everyone seems to shun me. My Redeemer savior and friend. But like Him, He forgave them for He said they did not know what they were doing. Well, if only i could do so, but i'm trying. In fact, now i don't feel resentment, just disappointed. What happened to all the promises to always stick together like sisters? yea right. I'm not to judge anyone because i have no right. But here, i will pray that if you are going to do this to me, please, just get out of my life. I don't want more thorns than i already have now. I can't bear anymore sadness and disappointment. 

For all that happened, the Lord revealed a verse from the bible to me

1 Thessalonians 5:18

In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

I hope all things go according to His plans, all i can do now is to follow Him loyally. 

Well, to anyone out there who is facing this same problem with me, remember, Our Lord has also went through the exact same situation we are now in, so put your trust in Him and let Him guide your life. He knows how you feel and what you are going through, because He has been there once. God bless~~

crazy october

Phew.. time is flying, exam around the corner and with something 'special' coming up, how i just wish that everything will fade away, and wake me up when october ends??
Too many problems to face this month, as if the previous months weren't hectic enough.
So many events were delayed and now when its study week i can't even study in peace. Enough complaining already ( it won't help to ease my burden anyway).

I've been thinking a lot lately. About something foolish that i've done and because of that i have to face the consequences, alone. But luckily, i found out i wasn't alone. For Jesus is with me. The song "Footprints in the sand" (which i'm listening to right this very moment). I never felt so relieved. Physically, i am going through this alone,but spiritually, I'm confident that my Lord will see me through this problem, I really pray for safety. Only He knows what I'm going through now. There was a time i couldn't stand it anymore, then i searched for this song that my mom asked me to search for. "When i cry", immediately as the song started to play, i started to cry and i wasn't ashamed of it. I was completely too tired and no one around me seems to understand what i was going through at that time. i couldn't blame them because this was entirely my own fault. It really felt much better after crying, then i started to realise i MUST give my problem to the Lord, let Him decide everything for me, because i've already done what i can. After that, i felt this peace and a calm mind. Now i'm just waiting for the days to come. I can't wait to finish my exam and go back HOME!!

Because of all that's happened, i even fought with my friend, and of course, i wasn't mad because i was the cause of all problem, so why blame it on others? now i just hope she will somehow or later forgive me.

About Gossiping 

I am sometimes( probably MOST of the time) confused with the term 'gossip'. I know in the Bible it says its one of the deadliest sins. I am very aware of that. I admit i'm not perfect because i love gossiping. But then, i try to prevent it if i can. Gossip is something that i can't seem to avoid, it's like a part and parcel of my life. But as i did my devotional, i saw in Proverbs that there were a lot of warning about gossiping. 

"Without wood, a fire will go out. And without gossip. quarelling will stop." -Proverbs 26:20-

Now, whenever i hear someone asking me to join in gossiping, i will somehow just answer, "um, oh?", but inside my heart, i feel like sharing all the information i have gathered, but somehow or rather i could swallow it. the feeling was bitter, seriously. I still gossip though, but .... yeah, no matter what i say, gossip is still gossip, what for being a hypocrite here?? :)

I just hope in time to come i can reduce it and also help my friends at the same time, because if they stop, i will stop too .. =D 

God's timing

His timing is really funny and i am starting to trust in His timing. I went to church then i thought, "Well, maybe i could meet that someone here." Then he appeared. Anyway, i thought he was D-one. But he wasn't. I kept on waiting for an answer, but nothing came up. Then this thought came up, "Well, he has basically everything i want in my special person list." But then, i realised one thing, i wasnt sure whether he reads his bible everyday or not. I need to get to know him better, but i don't. If he likes me, he will take the time to know me better and TALK to me. DUH~~ All the time he ignored me and talked to my friend, even though i was right beside him!! haha~~ 

So, i laughed to myself, "Yeah, i was crazy to think sooo much". When i got back, and read my devotional book, it said "God is worth waiting for; His time is always best." my response: WOW .. 

I wanted to laugh till my stomach hurts but i couldnt because... i just couldnt. The Lord was talking to me. Ever since i prayed for the Lord to talk to me, He had always revealed what He wanted to tell me through His Holy Word. Because i don't believe in coincidence, i will always repeat, I believe everything happens for a reason. Well, i just have to keep on waiting. 

Got to go now, good night and God bless~~

Nothing is impossbile for HIM

Nothing is impossible for Him 

Today, or any days lately haven't been the best day of my life, i'm currently facing some problems,all doors seemed closed, i tried all possible methods. nothing worked out, depressed? of course, feel like crying, already did as a matter of fact. Then as i was about to do my daily devotional reading, i just opened my devotional book randomly, and out popped a verse that really made me so happy. Indeed the Lord is talking to me. I don't believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason. 

Joshua 1:5 

"I will not leave you nor forsake you"

Just what i needed most. It is really comforting to know that the Lord is always with us even though we always think that He's not. I doubted too much because i'm really scared, i thought of a lot of what if questions. I can't bear to be alone. but i won't mind if my safety is assured. but who knows? Then, i opened my devotional note book, randomly too, guess what popped up next?

2 Chronicles 15:2

The Lord is with you when you are with Him. If you seek Him He will befound by you, but if you abandon Him, He will abandon you. 

Wow, strong statement. His words are truly alive. 

Now i should put rest my case and let HIM handle it for me. I've used up all my human strength and now He asks me to let Him steer the wheel. Thank you Lord. Now, i could use some good night sleep.. Bye and God bless~~ till next time..

That weird feeling

That weird feeling

Cant seem to shake off this particular feeling. I guess i've lost it. haha. but then, this feeling doesn't seem wrong, it's normal for everyone of us to feel it, i think. You know that feeling when you are doing something you feel that someone is watching you, that person is right in front of you. But then, you think to yourself again ,"Nah,how is it possible?" but that person seems to be sending off zillions of signals saying that she/he is looking right at you. Is that infatuation? I'm not sure and i dont think i have the courage to know the answer either, because it all comes back to square one, you're thinking too much or it's true and that person is too embarrassed to admit it. Hmm, here comes the difficult part, what if... ahh...that person is someone you like? or admire perhaps. Well, im kind of facing this kind of situation,not to mention who,but then i always think to myself, how is it possible? i'm...not that pretty. and maybe i was just thinking too much, maybe he WAS looking at my direction but at something totally different than what i was thinking about. Well, our minds are so complex most of the time. 

Sports carnival

Everyone seems so busy today, well of course they should, because its the sports carnival. Just this morning we had foot drilling competition and in the afternoon we had first-aid competition. It was so tiring, i wasn't involved in any of the competition but i must be there, reason:moral support. Yea right. It was mental torture to me. Anyway, i'm proud of my own uniform body. I'm about to contribute my part this coming Wednesday, im going for the exhibition part. and im starting to regret it because i dont talk much and im afraid i would get nervous and my tongue would get twisted. i really give my problems to the Lord,but i will do my best to revise all that i can. Well, i think i should go now. God bless~~

How great Love is

1 Corinthians 13:13

So these three things continue forever:faith,hope and love. And the greatest of these is love. 

Yup, i totally agree. Love is what gets the world moving. The love we get from our Lord is so great that its like a cup overflowing with never-ending of love and care from the Lord. 

I always took everything for granted until i lose everything, because i never knew how lucky i was. Now, after reconciling, i learnt a lot from my past and that's what make me who i am today. 

I will never be a perfect person because He is still molding me in His liking. But i know that He is always with me. I get comfort from Him each and every day from His words. I feel re-charged after each devotional each night. 

I know my life doesnt reflect a real christian, but im trying to change that.I guess only those who knows me know why i'm doing what i'm doing. Others on the outside just judge as if they know everything about me. (But, i must look over this issue because its not important) God is the real judge, not me or you. 

Im grateful for the many blessings the Lord has bestowed upon my life. For my family, their love and support is so great. my crazy friends,and everyone i met on the journey of my life. 

Just now, i was just listening to some oldies song, and one of the lyrics really caught my attention, i forgot what the title of the song was,but here's the catchy part, "all this while i was searching for love at the wrong place"

It was so right! I always get disappointed when something does not go my way. And i thought, maybe God doesn't love me anymore,but i was so wrong. I then came to realise that God's way is not like our way. A priest once said that, we should not order God to do this and that, what we SHOULD do is place our PROBLEMS to God, not the solution, and God will know what to do. 

I started to get back up, smiled at my problems, and said, "I can go through this, with His help." Now, i surrender my all to the Lord and i find life more relaxing,but of course, the storms in our lives still appear, but with Him, we can be assured that we will be safe in His care. 

Talking about love, i'm excited. waiting for the perfect timing isnt an easy task. But i'm willing to wait until the Lord says,"He's just for you".. Cant wait for that time to come.. sometimes i feel as if its coming nearer, but then nothing happens, oh well, i really hope i will know when that day really comes. Better get going. Night and God bless~~

Selfishness

It's been so long since I've last wrote. Hmm.. And the blogging has changed! @.@ .. Can't express my shock, at fist i thought i was in another world or what. . haha..
My exams is next week and I'm studying like what, until i fell sick. i guess i pushed myself too much, i must think of the Lord too and ask for his protection and His guidance so i will not pressure myself too much. Anyway, i'm grateful because my fever has gone down, now i'm only left with an itchy throat and cough.
I think that a lot of people are getting more and more selfish each day, they only live to satisfy their own needs and they don't care if they hurt others. I'm really disappointed in them and i feel like crying but from today onwards i will keep everything to myself and i won't trust anyone with my problems and secrets because once in their hands its no longer a secret. I thought you promised not to tell other people, how could you? I'm not angry but sad with you. Nevermind, i don't mind what had happen (a little, i guess), and i will not trust you anymore. Because you asked for it.
I just can't wait to go back to my family, this place I'm staying here now is like an emotional CAMP. I seriously think i can go cuckoo anytime, if its not for the Lord, i think i have long entered the asylum.. So i'm thankful for everything that happened and from there i will learn from my mistakes and will not fall into the pit for the second time. I'm a straight forward person and that's why a lot of people dislike me, but i'm still alive despite your curses and bad words.
I really miss my friends who could understand me for who i really am and not condemn me without any solid proof. But they are so far away from me now. Like they said, "we are only friends. F.R.I.E.N.D.S " mere friends, weird right? we've known each other for almost 3 years already. Ok, the statement was really hurtful but i take it as it is, i will also treat you the same way, but the thing is i can't, to me everyone is important but its so saddening that the other party doesn't think that way, they think that i'm pestering with their lives. I'M SORRY. Because i didn't know that all this while i have been a pain in the neck for you all.
But i won't give up, although all my close friends are away from me, i will still continue to search for friends who will understand me. :) Need to revise now. Bye and God bless~~

At the end of the day

I have always been complaining about the bad things but i never notice good things when it comes my way. For my school based experience, i went to SK Garland. At first, i wasn't quite happy because the school is located so far from my house and i have to wake up very early to go to the school before the traffic jam starts. I have to wake up at 5am and start off the journey of 20 minutes at 6:05am. Wow, even in my campus i won't wake up that early. I guess its a practice for being a teacher next time.

On the first day, it was quite nervous and i couldnt sleep the night before but of course i woke up energised. haha.. Then, as the day passes, laziness began to sweep over me and in no time, i lose the motivation but still i force myself to wake up so i was never late to school, in fact, I'm always the earliest!

For my assignment, I was required to carry out a lesson I have planned on a class. On monday i asked the year 5 teacher and i am really grateful to her because she is the most optimistic teacher i have ever seen and she was so happy to hand over the class for me to conduct the lesson, which was the part i was most afraid of @.@

I thought she would want to teach the lesson but it didn't turn out as i hoped. So my class was to be on Friday and i had ample time, but on the other hand, ample time to alter my lesson plan, and believe me, i really DID alter it and i even tried to imagine how the lesson would be when i conducted the lesson.

However, it was totally different when i REALLY conducted the lesson, already the teacher before me took 10 minutes of my precious time so i didn't have time to do my activity in peace. And the class a mess! As in the pupils were so noisy and seriously i just wanted to get out and cry, but i fought back that feeling and continued on. the thing was, most of the pupils i find, cannot understand english. and it was very sad. and my voice was nothing compared to them!! As a last resort, i have to whisper in BM to them so they could know what's going on. But the thing is, once they understand, they will really cooperate and so, i was also happy. Since, i cannot finish the lesson in time, i had to hold them back during recess and it was so difficult to keep them silent. I think they did enjoy the poem though some did not because they either found it boring or their speed of reading is quite slow.

Overall, it wasn't as bad as i thought, but i must really improve on my voice projection and classroom management .. :)

That's all, i just want to share a few photos from my SBE .. God bless~~