Trust no one, sadness no more

Well, actually you can't exactly banish sadness because it's like blended in our life already. Trusting in people nowadays only lead to sadness that only oneself can understand.

I'd rather not trust in any human at all. There's too much burden to bear. Enough with being a hypocrite and what more to say "poker face" ..

I can't live a lie anymore, I'm tired of everything already.Nothing was ever right. Lies will come out eventually even if you try to cover them up. Darkness will always be overcome by light. When it comes, i can't wait to see all your dark secrets exposed by the light.

I was a fool thinking that trusting someone and confiding in someone would be so simple. But it wasn't. Well, everyone makes mistake, I'm not saying anyone, but generally i believe we do face this difficulty in some parts of our lives and we can't deny the hurt it caused us. No matter how time heals, there will always be a scar and if we always repeat the same mistake, the scar will only deepen and increase our pain.

How i wish i could leave this earth. I want to find rest. Sleeping is no good because it is only temporary. I want to rest eternally in the arms of God. I can't bear all these myself. Help me Lord..

No rain, no rainbows

Today something came up and then i decided to look on the meaning of rain and rainbows so i decided to look it up. It really has this significant meaning and i would really like to share it with everyone.
"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow." ~ G. K. Chestertan~
Below is the website i found and i would really want to have a copy of her book.
(http://www.rainbeforerainbows.com/)

I didn't mean to steal and this is not mine ok ..

"The Secret of Success is Not a Secret is an inspiring collection features the stories of more than 300 people who faced failure or setbacks in their fields before going on to phenomenal success. The persevering individuals profiled include those from a wide range of disciplines, backgrounds, and time periods. From Katharine Hepburn to J.K. Rowling, from Elvis Presley to Michael Jordan, readers will find all the motivation they need to create their own secret to success"

What it said feel as if its connected to my own lilfe .. God bless..

A symbol of appreciation

Lately I've been crocheting rubberbands and i don't know whether to sell it or not. Then i got this brilliant idea. I will give our 10 of my crocheted rubberbands to friends i consider special. It will be tough since i have a number of friends. Well, if anyone ones to buy, the price is at RM2.50 each. Haha, promoting it. Below are a few pictures of those i have finished crocheted and some i've already given to my friends .. :)

I guess that's all for now .. God bless .. and I am feeling a little better than my last entry..

Back to the past

I felt as if the force of the past is pulling me back. Now there's nothing i can do but be pulled back. From today onward, all i see is a picture of black and white. I don't know how to explain this feeling but it's awful.

There's no more color left in my world. I have gone back to the past, i think it's just me because everyone else seems so blissful in their own world. I'm the only one with the sulky face.

I won't laugh anymore nor will i cry, i must be strong and endure this painful suffering. I hate it here. I keep on repeating the same thing, BUT mark my word. I will only improve and study harder so i could pass my time rather than realising the fact that im actually in another hell hole! U thought i had managed to escape the previous one but it seems as if i have fallen into another one, not to mention the increase in depth.

I really hope and pray this year will end fast, I've always thought that 2011 was bad, this year's WORSE!!! I despise the fact that i'm even here. Shit! That's a damn painful truth and i have to bear with me.

Like what my friend said, now i know how she feels, i'm at the bottom of the wheel and stuck to there until the time of the world ends.

I simply can't smile, even if i do, it's so damn FAKE and it looks so fucking SICK!!!! I never felt so much anger in me before. I don't know what else to say, just *##*!!!!!!!!!!!

Recollection part 3 (Finale)

This is part 3 and here i want to share those wonderful memories when i was with my sisters. I have three sisters, one elder sister and two younger sisters. We do have our occasional fights but still we love each other like other sister would have.

Well, my elder sister came back for the holidays and we spent most of the time in kampong and also went out for a short outing. I wasn't quite happy about that because i was about to head back to campus. Nevertheless, we still spent time together, right until i was about to enter the check-in terminal. Life is like that, we don't always get what we want. And what we get is what we don't want. Funny how life makes fun of us.

Here are some pictures of her and i really cherish those moments even though we had had our time .. (you know what i mean) :P

(here i crocheted a hairband for her)

(the four sisters, going for an outing to the Spring shopping mall)

(an art exhibition in the spring shopping mall)

(at sugar bun in the Spring, my sister treating us since she got a year end bonus .. haha)

(haizz, this is where it all ends, sending me to the Kuching international airport, i was about to check-in that time, really felt like running away, but here i am now, in campus.. that's why i really dislike going to airports, no one ever stays. . i hate it)

Well, i guess this is the end of my recollection from the year 2011. Another year has passed and now it's time to move on. I still find it difficult to do so because there are so many things to leave behind and start fresh but i will do my very best this year and strive better for this semester. God bless ~~ :)

Recollection part 2

This is the second part of the year 2011's recollection. Well, i went back to my father's village. It was quite bored at first but at least i got work to do. So, days went by until it was christmas. It was quite a silent christmas. Only me and my family, then i also went visiting. The interesting part was that my grandpa and my aunts and uncles and cousins came. It was a change in atmosphere. The previous night it was raining and some part of the ground was covered with water. So, my sisters and cousins and I went down to inspect the water. Haha, it was fun but of course being the skeptical one, i was seriously afraid of things that might be hiding in the water, for example, water snake. So i only stayed there for a while. Later my aunt and I decided to visit my aunts from my father's side. Well, i could say things were doing fine, but when they got home, the house feels so empty, and i became,well, lonely. Luckily, TV was showing my favourite singer at that time, Michael Buble. I really love him so at least i didn't feel that sad because they left. I am very happy my grandpa made such an effort to visit because it was a long journey from where they stay.

Then at night the rain only grew bigger and by morning, we all got the shock of our lives, because the whole area was flooded, and my house was above water, the road can't even be seen. But for children, like my nephews and niece, they were really excited and took that opportunity to go for a swim. It was so cold since it was still early in the morning. So, i just watched them and it was real fun.

Well, I guess that's all, wait for part 3.. It's more about how i spend the last few days of my holidays with my sisters. God bless .. :)

Recollection part 1

Along the years, there are alot of sweet and also bitter memories. But they are still memories as i improved for the better after encountering them all, regardless. For the year 2011, i thought it was a tough year because it was my first degree year and i was nervous whether i could cope up or not because it was surely different compared to as when i was in my foundation year. So, I wanted to be serious and studied real hard, but not smart. So, i was quite disappointed about certain matters along the way. But after all those, then i realise one thing, one could never be perfect. I thought i could outsmart that saying but i was only driving myself to the edge of the cliff. During that tough period of time, i learned to laugh and cry at the same time. I'm now grateful for everything that i have and i thanked God for sending friends that are really helpful in times of need.

Hence, I went through my first degree year quite well, and my results were quite satifactory because i did my best and i'm happy with the outcome. This year i will do harder and learn smart and have fun learning at the same time. I guess being too serious in studies only makes one too depressed and from my experience, you will forget things easily. So, one of my resolutions this year is to become more carefree and always remember that there are a lot of people around me who cares for me and i must show them how good i am and make them proud.

During the holidays, I learned crocheting. I think that it's more interesting than knitting. No offence but everything just comes out so easily. In knitting, maybe it's because i'm still not a pro in knitting and it takes me quite a while to finish a project, for example, in making a small bag. But in crocheting, i can finish it in two days or maybe less if i didn't took my break for too long.. hahah.. Well, believe me, learning from scrap is really difficult. But after a week, i managed to crochet well, not perfect. I'm still learning how to do other different types of stitches and patterns. I learned through the internet, and also a book my grandfather lend to me. It's really precious to me because it's my grandpas'. There are a few products which i had made and I guess it's quite an achievement during the holidays because i didn't have much to do when i was at home.

(this is the biggest project i make, a crocheted bear, i finished it in four days, his name is AJ)

(A crocheted ribbon, i made it into a rubber band for my sister)

(those above are some simple crocheted flowers, i also attached them into rubber bands)

(a close-up look of the crocheted flower, not that perfect yet)

(I also learned and corrected some of my mistakes by reading this book, which belongs to my mom, mostly about increasing and decreasing stitches, a very common mistakes among beginners like me)

Well, i guess that's all for now.. Bye and please await my "recollection part 2" .. :) God Bless~~