Standing Strong

Stinking day

Everyday looks the same to me, except today i don't know why i think that i just got up at the wrong side of the bed. I have this sensitive nerves and all that and i hate surprises. I still find it hard to adapt to the current surrounding. Now the weather is so hot i don't need t go outside to get dark. 

Today was a weird day for me. I guess it was because i couldn't sleep well last night. For the past few weeks, after i decided that i didn't want to think too much and just sleep, i stopped sleeping!!!!

I don't know why but my mind is so weird. I dreamt of a lot of weird things and even some dreams made me wake up feeling resentment and anger. I tried to curb this but i guess today was the boiling point. I admit i was extra sensitive today. Well, i don't give a damn of what happens as long as you don't disturb me. Besides that i tend to think a lot, and i mean a lot. 

SO i began with negativity. Urgh, i wished i would stop thinking that way but i can't. So, i had this cold war, which i don't know who started it first with someone. Seriously i find this situation damn irritating. I can't stand it but then i decided to calm down and let my emotions cool down, because i have no reason to feel anger or resentment( though at the current moment i am). 

The reason for this entry "Standing Strong" is because just now i read back my previous entries and found out i have went through this problem before, so i should be getting used to it by now. I hate pretending but i finally realised that people don't like me because words i say tend to hurt their so-called ego nature. Well, i don't lie and they deserve to know the truth, NOT the fabricated truth. 

Hence, today sucks. I really hope that the Lord will grant me some peace as i sleep tonight. I don't want to go to bed angry and having this ill feeling. I'd better go now as i have a group discussion. God Bless~~

After a HARD DAY

After being so disappointed, i decided to treat myself to some luxurious treats to cure my broken heart. I don't care what others think but i have my feelings to care about. So, i ordered Pizza Hut and shared it with my roommate. I guess after eating now i feel much better .. Be happy people. This is all part of the Lord's test to see how strong we are in Him, I didn't get good results but i hope there will be a lot of other chances in the near future.. 

Feeble February

Feeling extremely down

Oh well, for the beginning of February, this isn't a great start to begin with. There had been such chaos of feelings and personal thoughts, including myself in class today.

I hate feeling this way but one thing for sure is that I don't believe a thing that person has to say. People nowadays are often not truthful, even to themselves, either they are confused with themselves or they are just too self-denial. For me, you should be aware of what you are talking, what you promise others. So that you will not go back on your own words, in my way of speaking, eating back your own vomit. 

Oh well, in my case, that person did. But without realising it because i guess he's just too full of himself. 

Anyway, due to this situation my day was splashed with eternal darkness. I don't know what to hope for anymore. i don't want to judge, so i hope no one will judge me. I speak of my own free will, i totally disagree with the way I was being insulted. I remembered that person saying of not practising favouritism. Oh, how i hope i could smash him. But my mind just won't allow that to happen. Weird, all i could think about at that time was this:

"Different people have different abilities"

After that, whatever that f**l said meant nothing to me because all i could think about was things that i'm good at. I admit i don't have good presenting skills, i suck at talking to the public but somehow or rather if if God's will for me then i have nothing to be afraid of because in time to come things that i never expected would happen and who knows what the future holds? All i can say now is that 

It doesn't means that if you can't do something you are a failure

Never let evil people poison your mind with their evil thoughts and opinions. Say this instead, "I am unique in my own way and the LORD has already planned my future carefully for me, so why should I be afraid of words that can only harm me temporarily, compared to GOD who could destroy the body and soul when it's thrown to hell where the fire never goes out?"

We should stay strong no matter what happens. My mission this February is to apply what I've learnt all this while into practice.  

Hence, i guess i failed my first mission today, in letting my emotions get the better of me.