Favouritism

James 2:1-7

English Standard Version (ESV)

The Sin of Partiality

2 My brothers,[a] show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.2 For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, 3 and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” 4 have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? 5 Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? 7 Are they not the ones who blaspheme the honorable name by which you were called?

I'm not sure if those reading this have ever faced "favouritism" but it's already become a norm in my life. 

Being down is normal, but my spirits immediately raised when I saw this picture, 

We should be very grateful that our Lord does not have any favourites, we are all the same to Him, no matter how GREAT we think we are, no matter how much we contribute to the church, etc. 

Humans, on the other hand, is different. We do not think like God because we are not Him.

Favouritism in my understanding is to favour another person over the other. 

This will always occur to people whom they deem not GOOD enough, not PRETTY enough or not SMART enough. 

I DO want to think that it does not hurt, but in fact, I'm crushed.

I really hate this feeling and at times like this, God seems so far away, it's one thing not able to see Him, but I want to feel Him, the thing is I can't feel anything at all. All I can see around me are lies and deceit. 

I just want to be left alone but it can't be done like that. 

I am in the stage where everything around me is complete darkness and i have no idea where i'm going. I just keep on to the Lord's promise that, if I trust in Him completely, i will never get lost even though i don't know where i am going.

As for now, all i can do is pray.

Nothing is going right for me at the moment. When i look at others, i just feel envious and jealous (exactly THINGS that i don't want to feel). I have failed again and again.

Finance is another problem. Living in the city really takes it toll. I feel like dying sometimes, i can't afford to eat out, and so biscuits and plain water/milo/nescafe are my only choice, it's my breakfast, lunch and dinner.

But still, I am alive, and for that I am grateful to God ( though sometimes i do wish i could leave this wretched world)...